


Three Years and One Lifetime

by aly2094



Category: Chicago Med, Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Slow Burn, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:55:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 38,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26871772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aly2094/pseuds/aly2094
Summary: It’s March 2023, a little over three years since Hailey Upton disappeared from Chicago. One fateful evening, Jay Halstead makes a shocking discovery, one his brother better have a very good explanation for.Alternate story-line from 7x06 ‘False Positive’.*Inspired by ‘Annika’ by DontJudgeMeIShipIt.*Originally published on Wattpad.
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton, Kevin Atwater & Vanessa Rojas, Kevin Atwater/Vanessa Rojas, Kim Burgess & Adam Ruzek, Kim Burgess/Adam Ruzek
Comments: 14
Kudos: 96





	1. Green Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!  
> My name is Aly and I'm a high school student from Australia. I hope you enjoy my fan-fiction and please feel free to leave constructive criticism in the comments. You can find me elsewhere on Wattpad @aly2094 and on Instagram @upstead_chicago
> 
> This fan-fiction was originally written on Wattpad from December 2019 to February 2020. Because it was my first fan-fiction, I made quite a few grammar mistakes, minor plot holes, etc. So, I decided to polish it and publish an improved version here as I tend to use AO3 more often now. The original version will remain untouched on Wattpad for those of you who enjoyed reading it the first time. I will be updating this new version hopefully everyday, if not every few days, sometimes multiple chapters at once.

Will Halstead has precisely ten minutes before he is supposed to meet up with everyone at Molly's for a huge party. He doesn't want to be the last to arrive while everyone started the party without him...except maybe his brother, most likely sitting in the corner alone with a beer.

He sighs, remembering the guy Jay used to be. 

He had a rough time getting over the Marcus West case, struggling for at least a solid month and a half before Hailey...before whatever happened between the two of them. Whatever differences Will had with his brother in the past were discarded as Jay spiralled further and further. He practically dragged his brother out of his beer bottle filled apartment and forced him to stay at his house. Will's forever grateful that Voight actually let Jay keep his job, albeit on a tighter leash. It's the only thing stopping him from drinking every night. Although days off...well...there were good and bad days. 

What was he supposed to bring anyways? He walks down the aisles, scanning the shelves. He hears something drop next to him and reaches down, intending to retrieve it for whoever dropped it. 

He stops when he hears the voice. 

"Jaiyana Trudy Upton do NOT throw your water bottle like that."

Upton? No that can't be- 

"Will?" 

The two make eye contact. It takes him a second to truly recognise her with her now naturally dark blonde hair and more mature features, slightly different to how he remembered. He watches as the surprise on her face fades, replaced by an expression that likely mirrors his own; a perfect mixture of recognition and shock. 

A little anger rises in Will's chest on Jay's behalf, but he's done some thinking over the last three years about what must have happened between the two of them to send her running so abruptly. To give up her entire career and life in Chicago just to put some distance between them. Will had only met Hailey a handful of times. But from what he could tell, Hailey and Jay had such a solid partnership. Whatever happened between them, she had a good reason for leaving the way she did. 

"Hailey? What are you-"

He spots a little girl running down the aisle towards them, maybe two or three years old. She stops in front of him, bends down, and retrieves the water bottle at Will's feet with her tiny fingers before hiding behind Hailey. She peeks her head out to the side, clearly curious at the man standing before her. 

Two facts hit him at once.

One: Hailey is a mom. That little girl is practically a miniature version of Hailey. But her eyes... 

And two: those eyes...

The same green eyes he looked into everyday growing up.

Will's body goes into a state of shock, or pretty close to it. If only doctors could perform CPR on themselves, because at this point his heart is about to arrest in approximately five seconds. He can barely move his lips enough to form words. "Is she-"

"Her name is Jaiyana Trudy Upton. She's _my daughter_." The slight emphasis on 'my' was not missed by Will. 

"Hailey, that's not fair. You have to tell-"

"He knows," she says, voice trembling a little. 

"What?" Pure disbelief clouds his face. 

"I said, he _knows_." 

The fierceness of her words and the pain deep in her eyes shuts Will up. He can't think of anything in reply to that. He watches helplessly as Hailey scoops his niece into her arms and begins to walk down the aisle towards the exit. All the while, the little girl watches over her mother's shoulder, green eyes staring straight at him.

They didn't even take their shopping trolley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first few chapters are pretty short since they’re setting up the story, but they will get longer as I go. Also, I know this sounds VERY out of character for Jay right now. Please be patient, everything will be explained in Chapter 3. Also sidenote: Jaiyana is pronounced (J-eye-ah-nah).


	2. The Power of His Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this story, Vanessa only stays with Hailey for a few nights after she joins Intelligence and finds her own place before the events of 7x06.

Hailey practically runs out of the grocery store, clutching onto Jaiyana, tears beginning to gather in her eyes. Running into Will Halstead had been the furthest thing from her mind today, which is strange because ever since she moved back to Chicago she'd been paranoid about running into someone she knows from the District, Firehouse or Med. Today, she was caught off guard. Her mind had been distracted by an email from none other than Hank Voight. He'd somehow found out she'd left her desk job at the New York Police Department and started applying for detective positions in other districts of Chicago. Voight left an open invitation for her back to Intelligence. While Hailey misses her old unit dearly, but had absolutely no intention of seeing Jay again. 

But now Will knew about her and her daughter, and he would no doubt be telling Jay that Hailey is back in Chicago, as well as confronting him about Jaiyana. She wonders what this would mean for them. It probably wouldn't mean anything, which is the part that stings the most. Jay obviously hadn't told anyone about their daughter, and that hurts in a way she hates herself for. His actions still have the power to hurt her three years later. 

She'd tried every humanly possible way to move on, but everything about her life felt like a constant struggle. The only light was ironically the thing that reminded her of Jay the most. Little Jaiyana, the love of her life. Thinking about the former holder of that title makes her heart clench. Still, she gave her daughter the first part of her first name as a small memorial of her former partner - or the partner she knew before that night, although she usually calls her Ana. 

Jay had been a mess after learning about the death of Marcus West. They both had a hard time keeping their personal feelings away from their work, but this case was particularly difficult for Jay due to his involvement in the arrest. She understood why he was having trouble coming to terms with it all, but it still didn't excuse the way he handled things. She ended up staying at his apartment for a few days after the case closed, not trusting her partner to keep himself sober. 

One night, she woke to a nightmare. An old friend of Marcus West had found out it was Jay who misidentified him, leading Marcus to his death. He kidnapped Jay, and by the time intelligence had found him, he had been shot dead. 

She was hyperventilating and drenched in sweat when he came into her room. Somehow, amidst all the tears and whispers and the need to change out of their sweat soaked clothes, they'd managed to make a baby that night. 

She tries her best not to remember the details, which is not too difficult considering everything was a haze. What she does remember vividly is the aftermath. 

Hailey woke up and panicked. She threw all her stuff in her bag and rushed out the door before Jay woke up. After that, they didn't speak for at least a month. Jay didn't show up to work because of mental health leave, plus the guy had a bunch of leave days anyways - he never took a day off. He wouldn't return any of her calls or texts, didn't even answer the door when she came to his house. She didn't know what she was expecting; yes, she was the one who left that morning, but surely she didn't deserve this kind of cold treatment?

By the time she'd realised her period was late, it had been two and a half weeks since she'd last attempted to contact him. 

In desperation, she texted ' _Jay, I'm late_.'

No reply. 

Despite what happened between them, she wanted her partner there while she took the test. They had been there for each other through thick and thin for the past two and a half years. 

Three hours, two positive tests and no word from Jay later, she was preparing to drive to his apartment and knock until he answered when she received the text that uprooted her entire life.

' _The last thing I need in my life right now is a kid, Hailey. Take care of it_.'

The blood in her veins ran cold, her breath caught in her chest and hot tears filled her eyes as she collapsed onto the floor. Hailey isn't sure how long she sat on the floor of her living room, staring down in shock. Looking back, it was probably a long time. 

It wasn't until the next day that she'd gathered herself enough to decide that she needed to speak with him face to face.

Unfortunately, that hadn't gone much better.


	3. The Worst Misunderstanding

"JAY," he hears his brother call out, voice still somehow ringing loud and clear above all the chatter at Molly's. The noise dies down briefly, a few heads turning to Will with questioning expressions before resuming to the party. 

"What do you want?" asks Jay, confused, clearly already starting to get tipsy. "Keep your voice down."

"We need to talk, NOW," Will states firmly, dragging Jay out of the building.

"What the hell was that, barging in yelling like-"

"How long have you known you have a daughter?" his brother asks, voice shaking with accusation. 

"What?" he gasps, knocked back by the shocking words that just left his brother's lips. Well that's sure one hell of a way to sober up. 

"I-I...I don't have a-"

"I ran into Hailey today, at the local grocery store."

Jay's mind immediately latches on to her name, not even making the connection between her and his brother's previous accusation. Hailey. His former partner, best friend and...almost something more. He'd screwed things up to an unimaginable degree three years ago, shutting her out like that. He was in a bad headspace after the Marcus West case, getting drunk and hooking up with random girls. By the time he'd realised what he'd done, she'd disappeared. He never got to explain anything to her.

She's in Chicago now, maybe he could-

"She has a little girl."

Jay's eyes widen.

"Hailey's a mom?" he whispers in disbelief. He always imagined what her life was like now, somewhere out there. A fancy detective job? FBI agent? NEVER in a million years did he think she'd be a mom, at least not yet.

"Jay-" his brother starts, head shaking in disbelief. This made Jay pissed.

"Of course I didn't know! I haven't spoken to her for three years, you know that," Jay raises his voice.

"Jay, that little girl looks- Hailey said you knew."

Finally his brain gets the implication. 

"Will, I do NOT have a daughter. If Hailey has a daughter, she's not mine-" As painful as it is imagining her having a baby with someone else..."she can't be." 

A picture flashes in his mind of another world. A world where he didn't act like a fucking idiot in the aftermath and they had a little girl who looked a lot like Hailey and a little like him. His heart clenches and he can feel his eyes beginning to fill with tears.

"Are you telling me that you and Hailey never had sex, that it had nothing to do with what happened between you and why she left?"

Here, he shuts up, because he remembers. That one time they did it and screwed everything up and she-

He gulps. _Shit_...

He can see his brother's hand on his shoulder, but he barely feels it. Everything is numb. 

His mind turns to the last time he saw Hailey… 

He spotted her getting out of her car in the apartment car park. He was out throwing away a bag of empty beer bottles. His day had already been pretty shit, and the last thing he wanted to do was talk to her after what had happened a month and a half earlier. Except, he could see that she'd obviously been crying. He's only seen her cry a handful of times, despite working difficult cases everyday for the past two and a half years, so he knew this was serious. 

She noticed him standing there, and turned to look at him. Her hair hung limply over her shoulders and her normally grey-blue eyes were red rimmed and made bright blue from the fresh wash of tears. In other words, she looked like hell.  
He began to walk towards her, preparing to have the long and difficult conversation he knew they needed to have. The conversation that ended up taking place was much shorter than the one he'd anticipated though. 

As soon as he was a decent speaking distance away from her, she started talking.

" _I need to hear you say it...that you- you don't want us_ ," she managed to choke out, her voice breaking off a little at the end. She stood there looking him in the eye, trying to hold herself together, waiting for a reply. Her arms were wrapped protectively around her lower abdomen. He thought her closed body language was just a way of protecting herself. Now though, this arm placement takes on a new significance. 

... _you don't want us_

Not Hailey and Jay, as he once thought.

Hailey and...

 _Shit_.

 _Fucking SHIT_.

Then he remembers his response, and it's a knife in the chest. " _I can't do this, I'm not ready_."

Hailey steps back, looks down and quietly slips into her car. She didn’t look back at him, but through the rear mirror he could see the steady stream of tears flowing down her oddly expressionless face. That image has haunted him for the past three years. 

She disappeared suddenly. Never left a note, never said goodbye to anyone. The only person who knew her whereabouts was Voight, but Hailey had sworn him to secrecy and even he didn’t know the whole truth behind her leaving. She left no trace of herself. Her phone number was disconnected and her place was empty with a 'for rent' sign in front of it. 

"Oh my god Jay," Will sighed, finally believing his brother. Jay notices the stream of tears down his own cheeks now, and bites his lip as he tries to hold himself together.

"Jay, that little girl has your eyes," Will delicately treads. "Anyone who knew you and Hailey would be able to tell she's yours." Will's expression is clouded with concern as more tears flow down Jay's cheeks. 

"Look, whatever happened between you two back then, you have a daughter somewhere in Chicago whose mother is currently under the mistaken impression that you knew about her existence." He pauses, before deciding "she wasn't lying, she believed what she said."

"How could this have happened? I don't know how this-"

 _Oh_. He suddenly remembers this girl: Jessica, if he remembers correctly. They'd slept together a couple times when he needed to get his mind off things. It appeared that she'd developed a fun trick where she'd use his fingerprint to unlock his phone while he was passed out to delete messages from other girls. He knows this because the day he went back to work Burgess had cornered him, questioning why he didn't reply to any of her or Rojas' texts. Judging by the 'read' time stamp on those messages, he knew it was her. He confronted the girl about it and she'd admitted to deleting a few texts here and there, but she was adamant that she only did it to 'protect their relationship'. He ended things with her anyway. Now he realises: if she'd deleted texts, there's a good chance she replied to some as well. 

"You're kidding. If she saw a message along the lines of ' _I'm late_ ' or ' _I'm pregnant_ ', she definitely would've replied in the worst possible way," Will states. Jay is taken back by how Will just read his mind, but quickly realises he'd been thinking out loud. 

"But why would she text me? Something as important as that-" Jay begins.

"You wouldn't answer her calls, wouldn't see her, what else was she supposed to do?"

"Oh god no," Jay moans. "Whatever that girl sent to her...that last day I spoke to her, she was pregnant." He sees her standing there in the car park, eyes red-rimmed, arms hugging her still-flat abdomen. 

"She thought I didn't want her or the baby, she still thinks that..." He's never experienced emotion like this. A black hole of anger, frustration, but above else, profound sadness. Complete and utter sadness.

"I have to find her," he decides. "I have to talk to her." He's already heading towards his car, leaving Will standing there. He doesn't even bother explaining himself, or saying goodbye.


	4. Jaiyana

Hailey stands facing the mirror, setting Jaiyana down on the bathroom counter. It's early morning and they're both in their matching button down pyjamas. 

She turns on the tap, wetting a soft yellow washcloth before turning to her daughter to wash her face. She squints her little eyes, blinking away the leftover moisture before grabbing the wash cloth, determined to do it herself. Hailey takes the opportunity to clean her own face, before pumping out some moisturiser. 

"Me do it!" squeals Jaiyana, bouncing up and down. 

"You wanna do it?" Hailey asks, rhetorically. Her daughter is already reaching for the cream on her palm, smearing it on her mother's face. 

"Aww-dun," she states proudly. Hailey opens her eyes. ‘ _Not too bad_ ,’ she thinks. 

"Thank you Ana," she gushes before bending down and kissing her on the forehead, breathing in that sweet baby smell. 

She then begins filling the sink with water and Jaiyana automatically dips her little feet in, splashing gleefully. Hailey hands her a little pink toothbrush dotted with some bubblegum toothpaste and gets to work on hair while her child is temporarily distracted. 

She quickly runs a hairbrush through her own hair, before turning to her daughter. She's still happily chewing the toothbrush, trying to suck out every bit of her favourite bubblegum toothpaste. By the time she hands the toothbrush back to her mom, indicating she's done, Hailey has managed to secure her hair into two perky little pigtails. She then spends a little while actually brushing her teeth before drying off her feet and placing her on the ground, ushering her into the small walk in closet. 

She sees her daughter's reflection in the mirror, stuck to her legs like a little monkey. She pats her on the head affectionately, and she looks up, smiling at her mother. Hailey grins back in response and thinks, for the millionth time, Jaiyana is hands down the best thing that's ever happened to her.

But things haven't always been easy. Worth it, definitely, but not easy. 

Physically, her pregnancy had been relatively uncomplicated. Even the birth had been straight forward, although it was the single most painful thing she'd ever experienced. Nonetheless, she's grateful that it had been uncomplicated. 

Emotionally, it had been a lot more difficult. Still completely worth it, but infinitely more difficult. Her heart had been shattered by Jay's reaction. He'd promised her he'd go where she went, that he'd always be there for her. He _lied_. He left her when she needed him the most. 

As her bump began to grow, she realised she wasn't just pregnant. She was going to be a _mom_...to an actual human being. Was she even going to be a good mom? She didn’t really have anyone to look up to. Her own parents were...well not the best to say the least. 

Eventually, she decided to call Natalie: the only single mom around the same age that she knew. They’d become acquainted through that crazy bio-terrorism infection case and she seemed approachable. Natalie was understandably shocked, but ultimately agreed not to tell anyone after Hailey explained the situation. 

Overtime, their conversations felt less like therapy sessions and they developed a genuine friendship. Nowadays, Hailey has settled into life as a single mom, and even though it's a struggle some days, knowing she'll most likely be doing this forever, (none of her previous relationships had ended well, and she couldn't imagine leaving her daughter to go on a date with some random guy) most days she thinks she's doing okay.

The first year away from Chicago was tough though.

She had to move away. Everything reminded her of him and she couldn’t go out everyday with the risk she may run into him.

New York was a place to go to either stand out or blend in and she’d been in desperate need of the latter. Somehow, by herself in a new city, starting a new desk job at the New York Police Department, and trying to get over the gut wrenching betrayal of her former partner, she'd managed to keep most of her emotions in. 

She cried when her daughter was born though. First, tears of joy, laughing and crying. Then, heavy, heart-broken sobs, long overdue. " _Her eyes-_ " she sobbed " _she looks j-just l-like him_." Natalie held her as she cried, tears gathering in her own eyes. 

Hailey's infinitely grateful to Natalie for flying all the way to New York to be there that day. She couldn't actually be the one to deliver, since she didn't work in that hospital. Instead, she simply stayed with her. During crucial moments, she stepped forward to fill the role Jay may have filled in another life, rubbing Hailey's back and offering a hand to hold during particularly difficult contractions. 

Natalie was able to stay for a week after the birth, making sure Hailey was adjusting to motherhood. Even after she returned to Chicago, she always kept her phone close by, should Hailey call at any moment. Step by step, Hailey became more independent as a new mother. 

She went back to her desk job soon after. As much as she wanted to be out in the streets, she couldn't do the unstable hours with a young baby and face the possibility of leaving her child with no parents. Plus, it didn't feel right working in the streets of New York. Chicago was her true home. 

She only truly realised that about a month ago while looking to buy a house in a school district for Jaiyana. She imagined living there for the foreseeable future and realised it didn’t feel right, so she finally made the decision to move back. She rented an apartment a little further away from 21st while she searched for something more permanent, close enough to feel at home but far enough so she wasn't worrying about accidentally bumping into people she knew from her past. ' _Well too late for that_.' Her mind flashes back to her bump in with Will yesterday. She wondered from time to time if he'd want to be part of his niece’s life, even if his brother didn't. In the end, she just couldn’t bring herself to contact anyone so close to Jay. 

' _Good thing my daughter doesn't remind me of him at all_ ,' she thinks, sarcastically. 

She's pulled out of her daze by a soft "Mama?" 

She looks down at her daughter wearing the two year old version of concern on her face. Hailey realises she has no idea how long she's been standing there, staring blankly at her clothes. 

She grabs a plain sweater, a jacket and a pair of jeans, and follows her daughter out of the closet. 

"Mama's gonna get you Ana, you better run and hide!" 

The little girl shrieks in response, and runs towards her own room to 'hide'. Conveniently, that's where Hailey wants her to go, so she can wrangle her into some clothes for the day. 

She can hear the little girl laughing loudly down the hallway. The sound paints a wide smile on her face. 

' _Nothing beats that_ ,' she thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Jay and Hailey come face to face...


	5. Confrontation

Jay should be thankful he wasn't stopped by some patrol car, or worse: a twenty-first district patrol car. Although, his driving wasn't technically unsafe; he's an experienced detective, plus that conversation with his brother definitely knocked him completely sober. 

The grocery store is about five minutes away from Molly’s.

He'd just made it in two.

He springs out of his car, running into the grocery store then combing his way through every aisle then everywhere within a three block radius.

No sign of her.

Finally, after searching all over for a second time, he gives up and decides to go home. He realises on his drive back that it was probably a good thing she left before he could find her. Nothing good would’ve come out of his mouth with the adrenaline cursing through his veins. He imagines she would still be in shock by her run-in with Will too. 

He pulls into the apartment carpark, thankfully not the same one he watched Hailey back out of that day three years ago. He’d moved to a new apartment soon after she left, unable to stand his mind replaying that moment every time he went to the carpark. 

He gets out of the car and jumps the stairs two and a time to the third floor, not bothering to wait for the lift. He fumbles for the keys, hands still shaking, before opening the door and hurrying inside. 

The interior is mostly empty, with only basic furniture and limited belongings. He continues into his master bedroom, throwing open the closet door to change out of his going out clothes. 

He pauses when he sees that black jacket. The one Hailey always stole on long shifts. It covered her small frame like a blanket. 

_Hailey_. 

He misses her like a severed limb. They were partners, best friends...and almost more. Three years ago, she was his everything. But now...

He can't even wrap his head around what happened. He'd shut her out. He didn't mean to, but she doesn't know that. She's somewhere out there, believing he abandoned her and their child. If he were to find her tomorrow, would she even stop and listen long enough to hear him out? 

Jay's a swirl of conflicting emotions: shock, loss, guilt, disbelief, and some anger too. How could she believe he'd leave her and their child like that?

He endures a restless night in a swirl of memories and emotions until the first rays of sunlight begin to peek through the curtains. 

' _Please_ ,' he thinks as he leaves the front door. 

That's all.   
...

"Aunt Nat and Owen are here, Ana!" Hailey calls over her shoulder as she opens the front door to let Natalie in. 

"Nat!" Jaiyana squeals with delight as she runs towards the front door, hugging Natalie's legs. The little girl has always known Natalie and Owen from regular video calls, but since moving to Chicago, she's gotten even closer to them. 

Jaiyana begins dragging Owen into the living room so he can play with her. The little girl might be younger, but with her stubborn nature, she was definitely in charge. As the daughter of Hailey and Jay, one can expect nothing less.   
The two adults sit down on the couch with their morning coffee, as they watch their kids play together. 

"So, I ran into Will yesterday..." Hailey begins.

Natalie’s eyes widen. "Did you have Jaiyana with you? What happened?" she questions.

"Yeah, she was there,” Hailey confirms, setting her mug back on the coffee table. “I was at the grocery store, the one close to Molly's. I probably should've just went to the local one like usual, but I wanted to go back to somewhere I was familiar with-" she catches herself rambling. 

"Anyway, long story short, we ran into each other. I didn't even check out my groceries after the shock of that, by the way. Thanks for coming over to watch Jaiyana for the morning."

"No problem, go on," Natalie presses.

"Obviously, Will looked at her and figured out everything in about two seconds...It wasn't fair for him to find out like that, but I don't know what I was expecting. Of course Jay hadn't told anyone."

"Well Jay's the one who's going to have to explain everything to Will, not you," Natalie states. 

"Maybe I should've contacted Will. I should've at least given him a chance to know his niece, you know?"

"You were busy keeping yourself together for you and your daughter. Don't beat yourself up over it now," Natalie reassures. 

"Besides, now he knows. I'll find him in the ED tomorrow and ask him if he wants to have contact with you. Jaiyana's still young. If he wants to be part of her life now, and my guess is he will, she would never remember a time before he was a part of her life."

"Yeah, you're right," agrees Hailey. "I'm going to take a day or two and think it through, then I'll go to Med at the end of the day and see if he's available for a talk. I think I owe it to him to speak face to face."

Natalie nods in agreement, still happy to help in any possible way despite her history with Will. 

Turns out, Hailey doesn't have time to prepare at all. And the Halstead she ends up speaking to is _not_ the one she'd intended.   
...

Hailey walks into the grocery store. If she's lucky, maybe the trolley she left behind last night would still be there, so she doesn't have to re-do all her grocery shopping. 

She goes back to the last place she left it yesterday. It's not there. She's scanning the surrounding area when she hears her name. The voice is male and hesitant, and heart-breakingly familiar to her on a fundamental level. 

"Hailey?"

The hairs on the back of her neck stand up. It feels like a bucket of ice has just been poured down her back. She closes her eyes, breath hitched in her chest. It can't be him, he couldn't have found her this quickly. And yet, she knew it was him.

She exhales, opens her eyes, and turns around slowly. 

There he is. Jay Halstead, in the flesh. 

"What do you want?" she questions, voice harsh and accusing.

She thinks of the past three years, alone in New York with her little girl. She pictures Jaiyana, her sweet and innocent little face. Her blood boils. 

' _Jay Halstead can go fuck himself_.'

"Hailey," he starts. By the tone of his voice, she realises she just said that last part out loud.

She turns her back on him and starts walking towards the exit. 

"Hailey," he calls, "is it true? Do I have a daughter?" 

His words dig into the back of her neck like daggers. She stops walking and turns back around. Before she can collect herself and respond intelligently, her emotions take over and her lips start moving. 

"No!" she yells, coming face to face with him. "You forfeited the right to ask me that three years ago! You don't deserve to know anything about her after what you did" she all but screams, pointing her finger at his chest. "Because you don't have a daughter, _I_ do!"

Her words confirm it for him. He already knew, but hearing it from her...it's somehow more real. The fact renders him momentarily speechless. The two stand facing each other, full of emotion and chests heaving. 

She takes a step back, and he plows ahead before she can leave again. "I swear to god Hailey, I didn't _know_!"

"What do you mean?" she spits out. "Did you think I would have an abortion, just because _you_ couldn't be bothered to be a father?"

She sees the hurt flash across his face, but regrets nothing. 

"NO," he says, frustration evident in his voice. "I didn't know you were pregnant."

"You looked me in the eye and told me you didn't want us, Jay. Maybe you were too drunk or hungover to remember, but I was sober, and I will remember those words for the rest of my life!" The pain in her voice is audible, and she hates herself for showing vulnerability in front of him.

"When you said ' _tell me you don't want us_ ', I thought you meant you and me."

"What about the text then? When you said-"

"What did I say?" asks Jay, genuinely asking a question he didn’t know the answer to. "Because whatever those words were, I didn't send them." 

"What?" questions Hailey, sceptically, clearly in disbelief.

"There was this girl...Jessica? Anyways, she used my fingerprint to unlock my phone and intercept messages when I was passed out. When I got back, Burgess cornered me for not replying to her or Rojas' texts, so I checked the time stamps. She was the only one who could've accessed my phone at those times, so that's how I know she did it. She claimed she only deleted them, but she must have been the one who replied to yours. That day, when you came, I didn't know what you were asking." 

His eyes are practically begging for her to believe him, and he's on the verge of tears.

Everything comes to a halt. Suddenly, standing before her, Hailey sees the partner who risked his life before hers, who covered her body with his in the surveillance van, who always had her back and checked on her after every shift to make sure she was okay as part of their ‘thing’. 

She always thought his reaction was so unlike him. Now, it all makes sense and the events click into place.

All this time, he really didn't know… 

After a pause, Jay starts again. "Hailey-"

"I need time, Jay," she interrupts, barely managing to choke out words.

"But-"

"I'm not going to disappear this time, I just- I need time to absorb everything."

"Okay," he whispers. 

She's looking at him with wet eyes and tear stained cheeks, but she's here with him, she hasn't run.

"Hailey?" he says, voice soft among the backdrop of morning grocery shoppers. 

"Yeah?" she replies shakily, half dazed.

He knows already, but he needs to hear her say it, for real this time. 

"I have a daughter?"

"You have a daughter," she confirms.

"We have a little girl," he repeats, mostly to himself.

Something shifts in both their hearts.

She walks blindly towards the exit, leaving him standing there in the middle of the aisle. For the second day in a row, she leaves the grocery store in tears and without the groceries she went there for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Jay meets his daughter for the first time.


	6. The First Meeting

Hailey rests on the wooden glider in Jaiyana's room, feet propped up on the matching foot rest. The glider rests next to the window, overlooking the streets of Chicago. Light from the street lamps below emulates a soft glow in the room. The room is small and cosy, lightly decorated in her daughter's favourite shade of lavender purple. Hailey pushes gently against the foot rest, keeping a consistent rocking motion. Jaiyana lays on her stomach, head resting on her chest, one leg on either side of her hip. Hailey always treasures this time of the day, but especially tonight, where she needs the contact with her daughter. 

In the quiet of the evening, Hailey reflects on the events of today. Running into Jay had been a complete shock to the system, but considering the information he'd shared with her, she understands why he needed to come find her as soon as possible. All this time, he really hadn't known...

Everything she thought of him in the past three years had been wrong, and everything she'd imagined for her and Jaiyana in the immediate future is now up in the air. For the second time, her life has been uprooted by Jay Halstead.

She knows she has to contact him soon though, so he doesn't panic. He let her go today when she needed to, even when it must have been difficult for him. She slowly reaches into her pocket, careful not to wake her daughter, and retrieves her phone. She unlocks it and scrolls down in her contacts list. Jay's name is still in there, buried in the list of H's. She opens a new text, and begins to type ' _Hi, it's me_.'

Then, she remembers how this whole mess started and she deletes the message immediately. Instead, she presses on the little call icon in the top left corner. 

He answers on the third ring.

"Hello?" 

His voice is hesitant, but expectant. For a moment, Hailey is rendered speechless. 

"Hailey, is that you?" he asks, and she finally brings herself to speak. "Hi," she whispers. "Yeah it's me," she confirms, a little more surely. She takes a deep breath before continuing. "I just wanted to give you my number, so you'd have a way of contacting me."

"Thank you," he breathes, relieved. 

"You're welcome," she replies, the corners of her lips turning up a little, involuntarily. 

"Hailey I know this is a lot, but can I- can I see her?" Hailey breathes in and closes her eyes for a moment. She knew this was coming, but the request still catches her a little off guard somehow. 'It's too soon,' she wants to say, but she knows it's really so tragically late. 

Jay starts again. "Please, I- I could just be a friend or something, if-"

"You're her dad, Jay. We'll tell her you're her dad," Hailey interrupts. 

She hears a half choked sob on the other end of the line, and tries her best not to picture his face right at this moment.

"Is tomorrow too soon?" he asks sceptically. He knows he's pushing his luck, but he can't help it. 

She bites her lip. 'Definitely too soon,' she thinks. But she can't deny him the right to meet his own child. "Tomorrow's good. I have a job interview in the morning, so after lunch maybe? Two o'clock?"

"Tomorrow afternoon is good," he settles easily. "Thank you," he adds, after a pause. 

"You're welcome,” she replies. Before she can think of anything else to say, Jaiyana interrupts with a sleepy whimper. "Shhhhh," comforts Hailey, stroking her back and resuming the gentle rocking she'd abandoned at some point during her call.

Jay freezes when he hears the noise. ' _She's right there_ ,' he thinks. 

"I need to go put her to bed," whispers Hailey. 

"Yeah- yeah of course," he agrees. "Where do you wanna meet tomorrow? My apartment or yours?...or the park, maybe?" 

"I think your place might be best. I'd prefer not to meet in a public place and I think our place should belong to her and me while we...sort this out," she suggests. 

"Sure," he answers. "I'll text you my address...See you tomorrow then?" he asks.

"Yeah, tomorrow," she confirms. 

"Goodnight, Hailey," he says. She's taken back a little. Those words are so familiar, yet it's been so long since she'd heard him say it. 

"Goodnight," she manages to recover. 

He hears the connection break and panics a little. ' _You'll meet her in less than 24 hours_ ', he reassures himself. He's a mixture of nerves and excitement. 

He smiles to himself for the first time in what feels like a lifetime.

That night, he trashes all his remaining beer bottles.  
...

Hailey pulls up to the apartment’s guest car park. Suddenly, she realises that this may not just be his home. What if he had a girlfriend? Hell, he could even be married by now. The thought of handing her daughter over for visitation to Jay and some other woman has her stomach twisted. She's fully prepared to reverse out of the car park at full speed when she spots him standing at the complex’s main door. He must have seen them pull up. Sighing in defeat, she kills the engine. 

She gets out of the car and opens the back door to find her daughter sleeping in her car seat, head tilted to the side and mouth pouted a little. She unbuckles her seatbelt and gently lifts her out before picking up the small purple backpack next to her daughter's car seat. She doesn't carry a diaper bag anymore; Jaiyana is mostly potty trained (thankfully), but she still brings a spare change of clothes, night time pull ups , snacks, a sippy cup filled with orange juice and another spare one. Hailey shuts the car door and turns around, making her way to the front door. 

Jay is simply standing there, staring at them. He sees the sleeping child in Hailey's arms, and his brain can barely reconcile with the fact that she's her daughter, _their_ daughter. 

She comes to a stop an arm's length in front of him. Both their hearts are beating erratically in their chests. He reaches out, a little unsure, hand stopping a little above his daughter's head. He looks at Hailey, as if to seek permission. She doesn't appear to object, so settles his palm against the little girl's soft blonde waves. He strokes it a few times, gently, before finally forcing himself to pull away. 

He begins to lead them to his apartment. Once they're inside, he leads Hailey into the living room. The afternoon sun shines into the mostly empty room, providing a warmer atmosphere. The light brings out the lighter strands in Hailey’s now undyed dark blond hair and makes the little girl’s light blond strands glow almost angelically. Jay takes in the image before him and thinks it’s quite possibly the most- he can’t think of a word that could describe it. 

Hailey sits down on the couch and pats the spot next to her, gesturing for him to sit down. She then adjusts the hold on their daughter, rotating her so that he can see the little girl's face. He takes in a breath and stares at the tiny version of Hailey asleep in her arms. This is Hailey's daughter, one hundred percent. The curve of the lips, the nose, eyebrow shape, everything is a miniature copy of Hailey. 

Through his tear-blurred vision, he reaches over and clasps his daughter's little hand, careful not to wake her. He doesn't know why he feels compelled to do it. All he knows is that he needs contact with her like he needs to breathe.

"Jay," whispers Hailey, and he looks up to meet her bright blue eyes. They're already red rimmed and teary, but still as gorgeous as he remembers. He uses his other hand to gently wipe the tears flowing down her cheeks. It's the first time he's touched her in three years. 

He then feels her hand on his back. It slides upwards before resting on the back of his neck, gently guiding his head towards her. He allows his head to fall forward until it rests on her shoulder. They stay like that for a while, before he finally lifts his head. They're both crying openly at this point. 

"She's beautiful, Hailey." 

She sniffles, before answering. "She really is, isn't she?"

"Tell me more about her, I want to know everything." 

"She's been such a good baby," gushes Hailey, full of maternal pride. She looks down at Jay's hand clasping their daughter's. In this moment, she wants nothing more than for him to love her just as fiercely as she does. "She's so sweet and kind," she begins "but also outgoing, curious, smart, stubborn..." Hailey smiles, and lets out a small laugh. "She has the brightest, most amazing laugh. I can't wait for you to hear it." As she's saying these words, she realises they're true. She can't wait to share her with him.

Instinctively, she kisses the top of her daughter's head, gently waking her up. She knows he's been waiting for this moment, and she can't draw it out any longer. 

"Jaiyana," she says softly, "wake up sweet girl." 

Jaiyana shifts, and blinks open her eyes, still half asleep. Hailey knows Jay is watching, because she can hear him gasp a little. 

Those eyes have killed her for the past two and a half years.

And she knows they're killing him right now. 

Jaiyana is eyeing him a little suspiciously, not used to waking up with an unfamiliar person so close to her. But she's curious by nature, so Hailey isn't surprised when she doesn't cry. 

"Ana," Hailey says softly. "This is daddy," she says, placing a hand on his shoulder. He doesn't question the unnecessary contact. "Can you say 'hi Daddy'?" she says, waving at Jay, encouraging her daughter to do the same.

"Hi Daddeee" Jaiyana repeats, unaware of the magnitude of her words. 

Hailey watches as Jay hears those words for the first time. His eyes fill with a fresh wash of tears and his lips tremble, trying to keep himself together. "Hi baby," he barely manages to whisper. 

Hailey pulls him in, and he cries like she's never heard him cry before. Somehow, with their daughter sandwiched between them, it feels right to be doing this. After a while, Jaiyana begins to shift, protesting their weird behaviour. 

"Juice!" the little girl demands, in a self-absorbed way that only toddlers can get away with. 

Jay and Hailey break apart, laughing a little despite the tears flowing freely down their faces. Hailey reaches into the small purple backpack, producing a purple sippy cup and handing it to Jay. "You want it?" asks Jay rhetorically, moving the cup towards her. Jaiyana grabs onto the cup, and begins drinking greedily.

"Can you say 'thank you'?" prompts Hailey. 

Jaiyana looks at Hailey, then Jay, and continues drinking her juice. 

Hailey shrugs. "We're still working on that one."

"I think you're doing a great job," he reassures, genuine and sincere.

"Thank you," she replies shakily. Those words mean more to her than he knows.

"Can you stay? For dinner I mean?" he asks, still a little hesitantly.

"Yeah, we can stay," she says. 

And they do.


	7. What a Difference a Day Makes

As Jay unloads the dishwasher the following morning, he relives the night before. He pulls out three plates: two ceramic, one plastic. He stashes away the two larger ceramic ones first, before intentionally setting the smaller plastic one on top. 

He ended up serving them some microwave pasta, something Hailey assured him that Jaiyana would eat (he didn't know how to cook much else anyway). Hailey sat Jaiyana on her lap, opposite Jay. The whole time, Jay never took his eyes off them. Jaiyana chatted happily throughout the meal, unfazed by Jay's sudden appearance in her life. He managed to understand most of what she was saying. He felt guilty for the few instances he couldn't, but felt better after twice witnessing Hailey also shrug her shoulders, as if to say ' _who knows?_ '. 

As he grabs a handful of cutleries to place back into the kitchen drawer, he remembers the dinner conversation he shared with Hailey as their daughter shoved pieces of pasta into her mouth with her little hands. 

" _What's her full name? I heard you call her Jaiyana and Ana before, but- I was so shocked that night when Will told me about her, I forgot to ask if he knew..._ " Jay trails off, a little embarrassed at having to ask for his own daughter's name.

" _No it's fine_ ," Hailey reassured, understandng the complexity of their rare situation. " _Her full name is Jaiyana Trudy Upton_." 

" _Trudy? Man, Platt is going to be boasting about this for the rest of her life_ ," Jay commented, letting out a laugh. 

Hailey laughed in response and they were both relieved at the light-hearted moment. 

She could still see a little flash of doubt in his eyes though, and immediately knew what he was thinking. " _You know that you're still her father on her birth certificate, right? Even if she has my last name_ ," Hailey said.

Jay sighs a little in relief. " _I'm not bothered at her last name, I just- I wondered if she had 'father unknown' listed on her birth certificate, given... everything. I hated the thought of that, me being a blank space in her life_."

" _You're not a blank space in her life, never legally and now not in any other way either_ ," reassured Hailey. " _I might have put 'father unknown' on her birth certificate to punish you after what I thought you did, but I would have never done it to her. She deserves the truth, always_ ," she stated.

Jay nodded in response, understanding colouring his eyes. 

The evening took a brighter turn from there. After dinner, Jay searched the house, trying to find some sort of object suitable to entertain a small child. He eventually produced an empty laundry basket. They created a game of 'red light green light', where Hailey yelled out color-coded traffic demands, and Jay slid Jaiyana around the living room floor. He even took the game to the next level by imitating a dramatic series of honks, beeps, engine noises and the occasional police siren. 

In a strange way, it felt like their detective days again - Jay driving with Hailey giving instructions. Except now, they had a little passenger on board. 

After the first slightly slower round of sliding around the living room, Jay looked down at his daughter, checking to see if she was alright. She looked up and smiled at him, totally charmed. Jay grinned at Hailey before suddenly breaking off at a ridiculous speed. The little girl tipped back in the basket from the forward momentum, and her baby hairs lifted from the manufactured breeze. Jay momentarily stopped when her sweet giggles grew into deep, gleeful belly laughs.  
Hailey smiled in response. " _That's the laugh I was talking about. Pretty great, isn't it?_ "

" _Yeah_ ," he breathed. It felt like his chest was about to explode from the way his heart expanded in response to that magical sound. 

At one point in their laundry basket car race, the little girl stood up suddenly. " _Mama_ ," she said in her sweet toddler voice. And then, more adamantly, " _Mama!_ " She began to bounce up and down in the laundry basket, clearly sending signals to her mom using her body language. Hailey immediately knew what she wanted, and turned to Jay to ask where the bathroom was.

" _Second on the left_ ," he managed to reply. He then sat in stunned silence as he watched mother and daughter make their way down the hallway. 

_Mama_. 

Hearing their daughter call Hailey Mama had been just as powerful, if not more powerful, than hearing her call him Daddy. Both moments had shifted his heart in the most indescribable way. He still hasn't moved a muscle by the time they return.

" _Crisis averted_ ," said Hailey, smiling and eyebrows slightly raised. 

' _What a difference a day makes_ ,' he thinks, as he pulls out the last item from the dishwasher. It's a pink sippy cup, with different sized bears printed on it. Mommies, Daddies, and babies. 

Last night, he walked Hailey and Jaiyana to their car and watched as Hailey buckled their daughter into her car seat. She waved sleepily, as soft light from the interior of the car cocooned her face. He stood there, knowing how incredibly hard it was going to be watching them pull away. Hailey must have sensed this, because she pulled out the spare sippy cup from inside the little backpack and placed it in his hands. " _For Daddy's house,_ " she said, and it felt like a promise. 

He hugged her then, instinctively, without considering any boundaries. She stiffened a little at first, before melting into his embrace. They stood there in the dark, wrapped in each other's arms like three years had never passed. " _Thank you_ ," he whispered fiercely into her neck. For everything, he meant. For Jaiyana's cup, for coming, for forgiving him. She remained silent, but held him a little tighter in response. After a few more seconds, they pulled away, and he thought her cheeks were slightly more flushed than they were earlier. 

" _Text me when you get home?_ " he requested. 

" _Sure_ ," she replied. 

He could tell she purposely avoided eye contact though. She slipped into her car, clipped her seatbelt in place, and he stepped back to watch them go. 

His phone beeped about 20 minutes later. ' _We're home_ ,' the text read. He sighs in relief. They were safe, and he could sleep. 

He opens an empty drawer in the kitchen, and sets the pink sippy cup down. He then decides to move the plastic plate in with the cup too. ' _Jaiyana's drawer_ ,' he thinks. 

He definitely needs to make other changes in his life too, starting with his house. He scrolls through his contacts, sending texts to Burgess, Ruzek and Will. 

' _I need your help_.'  
...

A short while later, Jay finds himself in a coffee shop by the local Walmart, next to Will and opposite Burgess and Ruzek. Burgess and Ruzek were confused as to why Jay suddenly needed them to help him shop at Walmart in the middle of a Sunday afternoon, so he had to call them to explain the situation. They were shocked to say the least, but agreed to help almost immediately. Jay had called them specifically, since they had a little boy just about a month older than Jaiyana. 

"So, how did last night go?" asks Will.

Jay grins, thinking about his little girl.

"It was amazing. She's sweet, funny, bright, smart... I already love her, I can't even believe how much."

Kim smiles in response and makes eye contact with her husband.

"We'll have to set up a play date for Jaiyana and Brayden sometime," comments Adam.

"Definitely," says Jay. "That reminds me: I need to ask Hailey if she wants to have dinner with me and Will, and come down to the unit sometime with Jaiyana."

Will nods, excited at the thought of meeting his niece, properly this time. “You're definitely gonna have to tell everyone first, or I bet Voight is gonna have a heart attack...and I won't be on site to provide CPR by the way."

"Oh yeah definitely," Jay confirms, laughing.

"Two two and a half year old kids running around in intelligence...oh man Voight's gonna love that," jokes Adam. 

"Also, did I mention that Jaiyana's middle name is Trudy?" Jay says.

"You're kidding, right?" laughs Adam.

"That kid is gonna be Platt's new favourite person," Kim comments.

Later, after they've all had their coffee and finished chatting, the four find themselves wandering the home decor and little girls' areas of Walmart. Jay had texted Hailey to ask what Jaiyana's favourite colour was. 

' _Purple. Why?_ ' she typed, a little curious. 

' _You'll see :)_ " replied Jay. 

He spots a purple fairy bedspread, and he's reminded of her sweet laughter, as bright as fairies. He holds it up for the other three to see. "This one, do you think?" he asks.

"Oh, what about this one?" says Kim, holding up another bedspread. Jay looks across and finds that they're holding identical items. 

"I think that settles it," he smiles.  
...

Hailey sits cross legged on the floor, folding a giant pile of washing. Jaiyana sits next to her, 'helping' by 'folding' (unfolding) every third item of clothing she places on the neat stack to her left. It's a long process, and some items end up wrinkled...but her daughter is occupied and happy, and that's more important to her in the end. 

"Mama," Jaiyana says.

"Ana," replies Hailey.

Jaiyana grabs onto the laundry basket and begins shaking it, making questionable but identifiable engine noises. "Rrrrrrr rrrrrr," she says, showing off two rows of tiny, perfect white baby teeth.

Hailey smiles in response. "Is that your car? Did Daddy teach you how to drive?" Using the word 'Daddy' still felt foreign, but not unpleasant on her tongue. 

"Daddy car. Rrrrr!" Jaiyana agrees, shaking the laundry basket again.

Hailey chucks her into the laundry basket on top of the remaining clothes. "Green light!" she calls before sprinting down the corridor, sliding the laundry basket across the floor. Jaiyana's laughter echoes through the apartment. 

Later, when Jaiyana is passed out after several laps around the house, Hailey calls Jay to set up another visit. Jay asks if they can have dinner with him and Will at his house after shift. As much as Jay would also like to introduce Jaiyana to the unit, family comes first. Hailey agrees, sensing how important this is to Jay. Hailey found it surreal that Jaiyana would actually get to meet her uncle. Three years ago, she stopped herself from picturing Jaiyana meeting Will or any of Jay's family and friends. She smiles, knowing her daughter will have an extra person in her life to care for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this universe, the ending to 7x13 didn't happen, so Burzek had their baby (which I for some reason always envisioned to be a boy). I know some people would've liked to see them name their child after Al in some way and I definitely agree, but not as the first name. It's never stated within the story as I couldn't find a way to fit it in, but Brayden's middle name is Alexander, after Al and Lexie.


	8. We Need To Talk

Hailey pulls up to Jay's apartment, heart thumping in her chest. She unbuckles her seatbelt and steps out from the car with an umbrella, making her way to the back and opening the rear door. Jaiyana is already reaching up from her car seat as Hailey unbuckles her and retrieves her little purple backpack from the floor. No one has made their way down to pick them up, so she takes the extra time to quickly fix her daughter's hair. It's up in a ponytail today, as is her own. She opted for a more pulled back style this time after the hectic laundry basket game they got themselves into last visit. She swings Jaiyana onto her hip, shuts the car door and speed walks to the complex main door, trying to avoid the light downpour of rain. She's about to ring the doorbell for apartment 300 when the door suddenly opens, revealing Jay on the other side.

"Hi Hailey," he greets, before turning to his daughter. "Hi Jaiyana," he waves.

"Hi Daddeeeee," Jaiyana chirps back. Jay's breath hitches a little, still not used to hearing those amazing words. 

"Come in, Will's already here."

He leads them up to his apartment. Hailey takes a deep breath before Jay opens the front door. They walk into the living room, then into the kitchen. Hailey notices the high chair, new pillows on the couch, as well as a few extra empty photo frames, waiting to be filled. She makes a mental note to send him Jaiyana's baby photos sometime. 

"Oh hi Hailey," she hears. She sees Will standing in the kitchen, cooking something over the stove. He turns off the gas and rinses his hands quickly before properly greeting them. 

"Nice to see you again," he says as he gives her a side hug, careful not to squish the little girl she's holding. 

"Hi Will," she replies, grateful that the reunion isn't too awkward. 

"You must be Jaiyana," he says, turning to the little girl. 

"Hi!" Jaiyana chirps brightly, unfazed by the sudden appearance of another close family member in her life. 

"This is your Uncle Will," says Hailey, encouraging her daughter to greet him.

"Hi Uncle Will!" chirps Jaiyana, waving at him.

"Hi little one," says Will, before turning to Hailey. "She's beautiful," he smiles. "She looks just like you, except those eyes." 

Hailey smiles, involuntarily. So does Jay. 

"I'll finish up dinner here, you go and spend some time with Jaiyana," says Jay to his brother.

"Oh, sure," replies Will, glad to be given the opportunity to spend time with his niece. 

Jaiyana has no problem dragging Will into the living room, as Hailey watches, amused. "Gosh this little girl is strong, she definitely gets it from both of you," Will comments. 

"Yeah well she has no problem bossing people around, that's for sure," laughs Hailey. 

They sit on the floor, playing with a few blocks Hailey brought in Jaiyana's backpack. Jaiyana chatters happily, while the two adults accompany her in silence, a little unsure of what to do or say. 

Suddenly, Hailey asks "you don't blame me for what happened, right?"

Will looks up in shock. "God no," he replies. "I was there when Jay realised everything for the first time. I know what happened. You were both operating under false information, and there's no point in blaming anyone at this point, okay?"

With that, Hailey sighs in relief.   
...

Jay is much more prepared this time, having cooked a proper homemade meal of grilled chicken, mashed potatoes and roasted vegetables. Jaiyana chats happily, and enjoys the mashed potatoes so much that she manages to get it _everywhere_. 

"Can I use your bath?" asks Hailey. 

"I'll clean up here, you take them to the bathroom," Will says to Jay.

"Yeah sure," Jay replies. He walks them to the bathroom, even though Hailey already knows where it is. He hesitates, torn. "I can stay and help...or not...if you'd rather..." He knows she's perfectly capable of giving their daughter a bath, like she's done countless times before, but he wants her to know that he's there to help now. He wants to be part of Jaiyana's life, not just for the big things but for the little things too.

Hailey debates her answer. He looks so hopeful though, and so willing to be of service to her and their daughter. Isn't that what she always wanted? What she spent long sleepless nights tormenting over, because Jaiyana would never have it? Seeing him standing there in front of her now, there's no way in good conscience she could turn him away. "Okay," she nods. "Thanks," she adds after a pause. "Can you take her for a minute while I run the bath?"

"Yeah, of course," he says, stepping forward to take Jaiyana into his arms.

"Just- don't let her touch anything," she cautions, looking around at Jay's newly cleaned and decorated apartment. 

"Are you kidding? You should have seen the stuff Will and I got ourselves into as kids. A little mashed potato is nothing."

Hailey laughs and thanks her lucky stars, not for the first time, that Jaiyana had been a girl. The thought of a little Halstead boy terrified her, for multiple reasons. 

He sets Jaiyana down on the pale green bath mat. "Here," he says, offering to start the water and gesturing for them to switch places so that Hailey can take over with their daughter. He turns the water and fills the tub a third full, checking the temperature multiple times to make sure it's just right. Satisfied, he turns to find Hailey tugging Jaiyana's undershirt off. For a second he's unsure whether to look away or leave so he doesn't impose on their daughter's modesty. 

As soon as her shirt is off though, she immediately becomes fascinated with her own bellybutton. "Button!" she cries gleefully, poking at her own stomach. ' _So much for modesty,' he thinks 'but clearly we're not there yet_ '.

Hailey tugs the rest of her clothes off, until she's completely naked. "Mama bath?" asks Jaiyana, hopefully. "Not tonight Ana," Hailey tells her apologetically. "Tonight you're flying solo, but look! Daddy's here to play with you!" The last part seems to satisfy the little girl, and she nods happily. 

Hailey is impressed when Jay grabs some newly purchased bath toys from a bathroom draw. Checking the temperature one last time, he says "I think we're good to go."

She dips her hand in and nods in approval, before lifting their daughter over the side of the bathtub and into the water. She grabs the fresh wash cloth Jay hands her and begins scrubbing down Jaiyana while Jay entertains her with a parade of bath toys. Once the little girl is potato mash free and sweet smelling, Hailey retreats to rinse her hands over the sink, before taking a seat on the closed toilet seat, content with watching Jay navigate bath time with their daughter. 

Jay and Jaiyana play semi-quietly, voices mostly blending into the background noise from the kitchen. She doesn't realise her eyes have closed until a sudden loud clap of thunder has them flying open again, just in time to see Jaiyana spring out of the water in surprise, eyes wide. Before she can even react, Jay's arms are already there, strong and reassuring just like they were for her throughout the time they were partners.

' _He's got this_ ,' she thinks.

By the time Jaiyana is dried off and in her spare clothes, it has started to full on storm.

"Hailey, I think you guys should stay here tonight...I know that wasn't the plan but it's not safe driving in this weather." 

Hailey hesitates. It's been a great evening, but she doesn't know if she's ready to spend the night under the same roof as the Halsteads. Just as she opens her mouth to protest, another loud clap of thunder sounds and Jaiyana whimpers, eyes filled with unshed tears. 

Will walks into the room. "Hey Jay do you mind if I stay here tonight?" 

"No problem," Jay replies. 

Will then turns to Hailey. "I'll sleep on the couch so you and Jaiyana can take the spare room. It's not safe to drive in this weather." 

"Ok then," Hailey relents. "If it's not an inconvenience..." 

"Of course not," Jay interrupts.

"I've already made the bed in the guest room, if you want to get Jaiyana settled," says Will. 

She looks grateful. "Yeah sure, thanks."

Jay walks them into the guest room, then leaves to find Hailey some fresh clothes to sleep in. Jaiyana is already drifting off, cuddled against her mother in the fresh cotton sheets. A few minutes later, Jay returns with an oversized t-shirt, some drawstring sweatpants and...that black jumper. 

"Get some sleep, Hailey. I'll see you in the morning," he whispers and before she can say anything, the door closes with a gentle click.   
...

At precisely seven thirty the guest room door swings open, and Hailey stumbles into the kitchen with Jaiyana clinging onto her like a little spider monkey. Both are sporting sleep soft eyes and bed heads. Jay's heart squeezes at the sight of them.

She takes a seat next to him in the kitchen table, shifting Jaiyana so that she sits facing her with one leg on either side of her hips. 

"Good morning Jaiyana," greets Jay, gently poking her in her side. She squirms and giggles before burying her face back in Hailey's chest, not quite ready to engage just yet. To Hailey, he asks "do you want some coffee?"

"Yes please," replies Hailey, voice still thick with sleep. 

He moves to the coffee maker and pours her a cup, automatically adding just a splash of milk and a touch of sugar to cut the bitter. It's not until he's finished that he stops to question whether she still takes it that way.

As soon as the hot liquid touches her lips though, she sighs in gratitude and he relaxes, knowing he got it right.

Hailey looks around, noticing that the couch has obviously been slept in but there's no sign of Will. "Where's Will?" she asks, curious.

Jay smiles, amused at how quickly a sip of coffee can wake her up. "He's already at Med, early morning shift."

"You have work today, right?" asks Hailey. 

"Yeah I have to leave in about half an hour" replies Jay, a little disappointed at having to part ways soon.

Hailey pauses for a few seconds, thinking about whether to tell him before finally opening her mouth. "Voight offered me a place back in intelligence."

Jay's eyes widen at the unexpected news. 

"I originally told him no, given everything...but now, I don't know..." she trails off.

She thinks about their situation. She sees a Chicago Police Department mug on the coffee table and looks down at Jaiyana clinging onto her and Jay's clothes she's still wearing. Not for the first time, she wonders if there's someone out there who'd mind her wearing his clothes and staying at his house, despite the innocent nature of this sleepover.

"I think we need to talk soon, properly...sort everything out."

"Yeah, I know," he agrees. 

The two sit in silence for a few moments.

"I need to change back into my clothes and head back so I can get Jaiyana some breakfast. You should get ready for work too," says Hailey, breaking the silence. "We'll find a time this week to talk?" 

"Yeah," he replies, already dreading having to watch them leave again. 

"Can you take her for a minute while I get dressed?" she asks, passing Jaiyana to him. "Sure," he agrees. She's still a little sleepy, with half-closed eyes and a tangle of messy waves. She settles against him contently. He leans down and kisses her on the top of her head. Everytime he thinks his heart has expanded to the maximum capacity, it grows a little more. 

After a few minutes, Hailey comes back with his clothes and Jaiyana's backpack, all packed and ready to go. She hands the clothes back to him, before taking Jaiyana back in her arms. She can see the pained expression on his face as he passes their daughter over. 

He walks them down to their car, eyes barely leaving the small child and her mother. Hailey buckles the little girl in and slips into the driver's seat.

And there isn't a damn thing he can do but watch them go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: the much dreaded but very necessary conversation.


	9. The Conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is quite heavy and very emotional, but definitely necessary. It'll only get better after this, I promise :)

Two days later, Hailey's doorbell rings just as she's getting out of the shower. She quickly wraps a towel around herself and goes to swing open the door, revealing Natalie on the other side. 

"Well I'm guessing you're not leaving anytime soon," comments Natalie, eyeing Hailey's current state of undress. 

"Of course not," says Hailey with a tone of ' _do you think I'm insane?_ '. She steps aside to let Natalie in. "Thanks for taking Jaiyana by the way, I don't know what shape I'm going to be in after this conversation. Plus, I have no idea how long this will go on for and I don't want to be dragging her late into the night..."

"No problem," Natalie reassures. "I'm always happy to take her. Besides, Owen will be happy to have a playmate." 

As if on cue, Jaiyana runs towards the door. "Aunt Nat!" she squeals, ramming into Natalie and wrapping her tiny arms around her legs, almost knocking her down. 

"Hi Ana!" Natalie gushes, trying to stabilise herself while Hailey looks at them, amused. 

"Come on little munchkin, let's go get your stuff so you and Aunt Nat can get out of here."  
...

Hailey pulls up to his apartment an hour later. Jay swings open the complex door, clearly having just got home from a long day in intelligence. He's still wearing the exact same clothes he would've worn three years ago. It could have easily been 2019 again, except they weren't talking after a long day of work, they were talking to sort out the circumstances regarding their daughter. 

" _This is just part of the thing, so-_ "

" _What thing?_ "

" _It's the thing that works between us. Bad case, one of us doesn't want the other one around, the other one stays anyway, we talk, we feel better and we're able to go to work the next day. It works._ "

Unbeknown to Hailey, Jay was having the exact same flashback. 

Hailey pulls herself out of it, stepping through the front door and walking into the living room. The formerly empty photo frames had been filled with some old childhood photos of him and Will, as well as various photos of Jaiyana which Hailey had just sent him a day ago. She notices a small picture in the corner: a selfie of them together back in Intelligence. She gulps as she takes a seat on the sofa.   
He takes a seat next to her and the two remain silent for several seconds, avoiding eye contact. 

"Where's Jaiyana, by the way?" he asks, breaking the silence. He didn't expect her to be here, given what they were going to be discussing. He just needed an ice breaker. 

"With Natalie," replies Hailey. 

"Natalie Manning?" asks Jay, remembering the doctor and his brother's ex-fiancee.

"Yeah. She was the one who treated me during that bio-terrorism case so we were acquainted, and I knew she was a single mom, so I contacted her after I found out. She's really been there for me."

Jay feels a little stab in the heart. He should've been that person who was there for her. He's thankful towards Natalie though, for being there for Hailey and their daughter. 

They remain silent for a few more seconds before she starts again. 

"So, what do you want to start with?" she asks, looking him in the eye.

"I guess...I want to understand what happened back then," he says before breaking eye contact and looking down at his hands. "So that maybe we won't make the same mistakes this time around," he proceeds. 

"We're not in a relationship this time around," she points out.

"We weren't in a relationship back then...but from now on we will always be, to some extent, because we have Jaiyana to consider, yeah?" he clarifies.

"Yeah," she agrees, slightly embarrassed at having misinterpreted his words. "Ok, what else?" she asks, plunging ahead.

"I want to know where we stand now, what's going on in your life, and plans for the near future," he says.

"And what that means for us going forward, right?" she finishes, knowing what he's thinking. She also wants to know the same thing.

"Yeah, exactly," he confirms. 

"Ok. Let's start with back then..." 

He pauses for several moments, collecting his thoughts, before continuing. "The Marcus West case...I blamed myself. For everything. An innocent man died because of me, and his name will never be cleared to the public, or even to his family because they had to protect the police reputation. My reputation." His jaw clenches, still unable to get over the injustice. "He had a family, a wife and a son, and I ruined their lives too."

"I get it was difficult for you, I really do. But it doesn't excuse the way you dealt with it, Jay," counters Hailey, equally emotional. "Do you have any idea what it was like watching you spiral out of control every night?" She pauses, remembering that time. "I thought I was going to lose you," she manages to choke out. 

"That night?" he presses gently. 

"I had a nightmare. I've had them before, but this one...it just felt so real. You died, and then I woke up and you were there again," she recalls. "I didn't want to waste any more time figuring out whether I should make a move or...if you loved me too," she confesses. "I just couldn't watch you spiral any further without showing you how I felt...that's what happened back then," she finishes, letting out a shaky breath.

She _loved_ him. 

His heart almost rips in half. One: hearing her say loved, past tense, felt like a bullet to the chest and two: she _loved_ him, and he let her slip away.

"But in the morning, you what? You just changed your mind?" he accuses, failing to keep the hurt from his voice. "You left me there, without a note or explanation. Nothing."

"I didn't change my mind," she defends. "I- I panicked."

He waits for her to continue, but she doesn't, so he does. "We danced around these feelings for at least two years. I was waiting for the right moment, I was waiting for you to be ready," he confesses, laying all his cards out on the table. "After that night, I thought you were finally ready, and I was all in."

"Jay I didn't- I didn't know" she whispers, eyes shining with emotion. "That morning, I didn't decide anything, I reacted. It was impulsive, not calculated." She pauses, trying to find the right words before continuing. “We spent three years building such a strong friendship and partnership, and in a moment I'd just-" she stops suddenly, palms falling open, as if to set something free.

_Poof_ , it seemed to mean.

_Gone_. 

"So, you panicked," he nods, understanding finally clouding his eyes.

"I panicked," she confirms. "And by the time I realised what I'd done, you'd shut me out." She tries to keep the accusation from her voice. After all, they were both at fault. "I didn't deserve that, Jay. I didn't know how you felt...how you'd been waiting for me," she finishes, guilt colouring the last few words. "All I knew was that I'd just slept with my best friend and partner, and possibly ruined everything, and when I took a day off to reconcile with that, he pushed me away and shut me out."

He can see the hurt in her eyes, and he knows he messed up.

"I was a fucking idiot," he mumbles, pulling his fingers through his hair. He can't even bring himself to look at her. 

He hears her take in a shuddering breath, preparing to continue. "And then...and then I was pregnant, and you weren't talking to me, and it was like everything I was trying to avoid for those years...one night, and it all happened anyway." When she continues, her voice is barely audible. "I needed you, and you weren't there. You didn't even want our-"

"Hey, don't say that," he interrupts. "You know that's not true."

"I know," she clarifies "and I understand now what happened with the girl and the phone and whatever, but those emotions, Jay...the memories of them, they don't just go away," she explains. "I'm not mad at you anymore, but I don't think you'll ever be able to understand what it was like...carrying this baby that I loved so desperately," she says, hands instinctively dropping to her lower abdomen. "To know that this baby was a part of you and me, and to think that you didn't love her, didn't even want her to exist." Her eyes glisten a little more vibrantly under the fresh well of tears. "I know now it was never true, but it was real to me for these past three years, and it's going to take some time for those emotions to fade."

She softens her next words, not meaning for them to sound too harsh. "So, I'm not mad at you...but it still scares me that you'll get caught up in another case like you were back then and you'll start drinking again, or being careless about your own safety. Whether that's fair or not, it's the truth. We have a child that depends on us now,” she explains. “And I do trust you with Jaiyana," she promises, truly meaning it, “but I don't think I trust you with you." She takes a big breath, before preparing to finish her monologue. "I learned to get by on my own, and it's scary thinking about allowing myself to need you again...or allowing her to need you." He opens his mouth, about to counter her last phrase, but she continues. "I won't stand in the way of your relationship with her," she vows, "but please don't ask me to need you in my life the same way I did back then." 

He tries to digest her words. He wants to yell that it's not fair for her to shut him out like that, but he knows Hailey. It will take time and actions for her to restore trust. If he wants a future with her, which he always did and still does, he'll have to give her space like she asked and not punish her about it like he did in the past. She's giving him her full trust with Jaiyana though, and that's a good start. "Fair enough," he eventually agrees. "For now," he adds, the last two words falling quietly and involuntarily from his lips.

She takes in a breath, as if about to protest his last words, but at the last second she decides to change her mind and remain silent.

"I guess that brings us to where we are now then," he says, "and where we want things to go?"

"With regard to Jaiyana," she adds carefully.

He wants to discuss _them_ too, but he knows they've already laid a lot on the table tonight. 

"Right, so..." he begins. "First, I guess I just want to know if you're seeing anyone, if you're in a relationship right now." He realises he's not prepared to hear that she is, but he also needs to know the truth.

"No," she states simply, keeping her answer straight to the point. It feels too vulnerable to admit that there hasn't been anyone in her life in that way since that night. ‘ _It's too intimate_ ,’ she thinks, so she turns the question back on him. She's been wondering about this ever since they re-entered each other's lives. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"No," he admits, his reply equally succinct. There had been a couple women here and there, but no one significant. No one would ever replace her.

She nods, expression unreadable.

"So...what are you hoping for, with Jaiyana...as far as visitation?" she asks. She tries to not let her nerves get the better of her, but he can sense the tension. 

"You know I'm not going to fight you on this, Hailey," he reassures. 

"Sorry," she whispers. "I just...this is only my first night away from her. And the thought of handing her back and forth...I never wanted that for her, you know?" He nods, knowing what she means.

"I'm not going to push you on this. And yes, eventually I'd like her to be able to stay with me overnight, but it's not going to be tomorrow or even next week. We have time to work on this, and we will." He waits for a response before continuing. She nods her head weakly. "We're going to be okay," he says softly. "We can do this, you and me."

She squeezes her eyes shut tightly, forcing a fresh wash of tears down her face.   
His words are exactly what she needed to hear. 

For the first time, it feels like she isn't in this parenting thing alone. They're in it together, and it's such a relief. Yes she's had Natalie there since the beginning, and she's been a huge supporting figure, but it's not the same as having another parent there, equally invested. She knows he's not leaving them anytime soon. Their daughter will have two loving parents, no matter what. 

Slowly, she calms down and comes back to herself. He pulls her in for a hug, and they sit together in each other's embrace in the silent living room. After all this time, it still feels so familiar and safe. 

"It's still me, Hailey," he whispers. 

And it is. 

It's him, and it's her...with one little girl between them. 

But they're still them, and there's something powerful in that, she thinks.


	10. This Unit, This Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaiyana finally meets the unit!

Over the next couple of days, they discuss Hailey and Jaiyana visiting Intelligence. He gives her an update on everyone in the unit, so that she'd feel more prepared.

Voight is still...Voight.

There was a girl named Heather who was Hailey's replacement, but she transferred recently, hence the opening for Hailey to rejoin if she chose.

Atwater and Rojas...well they weren't technically dating, but they may as well be. Hailey isn't surprised by this after witnessing their initial chemistry, but understood first hand the complexity of in house romances.

Burgess and Ruzek had a little boy about the same age Jaiyana, and got back together shortly after his birth. Hailey smiles, genuinely happy for her old friend and ex-boyfriend. Jay also confessed that he told them about Jaiyana and they helped him prepare his apartment. Hailey makes a mental note to thank them later.

So, a week later, Hailey finds herself standing outside the 21st District Police Department for the first time in three years. 

Jay had to come to work a case early, but told them to text him when they arrived so he could take them in. 

The front doors swing open and Jay walks down the stairs, making his way to Hailey and Jaiyana. "Hello Jaiyana," he says. 

"Hi Daddy," she replies and he smiles in response. 

He then turns to Hailey. "Feel weird to be back?" he asks. 

"Kind of," she admits. "Everything looks the same, except I've got this one over here as a reminder that it's not 2019 anymore," she says, gesturing at the little girl perched on her hip. Jaiyana is currently staring curiously at the building in front of her, oblivious to the significance of this place. 

"You've explained the necessary details to everyone, right?" checks Hailey, making sure she isn't about to walk in and give everyone a heart attack. 

"Yup," confirms Jay, "I talked to everyone yesterday. You should've seen their reactions."

They'd all been shocked at first, and understandably so. After they all wrapped their heads around it though, they were genuinely happy for Jay and excited at the thought of seeing Hailey again and meeting the little girl. 

"Ready?" he checks before stepping inside. 

"As I'll ever be," she replies, taking a deep breath.

As soon as they step foot inside, Platt immediately spots them and ditches her position at the front desk to greet Hailey and Jaiyana. 

"Hey Sarge," says Hailey, as if no time had passed. 

"Detective Upton, back at last," she replies, smiling, before turning to the little girl. "Hello," she greets. 

"Hi!" waves Jaiyana happily. 

"Sarge, this is Jaiyana Trudy Upton," reveals Hailey. With that, the older woman's eyes well up with tears and she walks up to hug Hailey. 

"She's beautiful," says Platt, smiling. "Looks exactly like you, except those eyes" she comments, looking up at Jay. She then switches to looking Hailey and Jay both in the eye. "I still can't believe you guys did that" she deadpans, nodding her head towards Jaiyana. The two laugh uncomfortably. 

And just like that, it felt like old times again. 

"Hey Halstead and Upton, everyone's waiting for you." All their heads turn towards Voight walking down from the unit headquarters. He stops in front of them and looks at Jaiyana. 

"Hey kid, what's your name?" 

"Jaiyana," she replies, looking him straight in the eye, completely unfazed by his hoarse voice. 

Voight widens his eyes and raises his eyebrows slightly. "This kid has guts, definitely the DNA of two cops," he smirks, making everyone chuckle. 

He then turns to Hailey. "Good to have you back Hailey, it hasn't been the same without you," he says, truly meaning it. 

"Good to be back," Hailey replies. 

"Come on in," he ushers, leading them up the stairs into the bullpen.

As soon as they're inside, everyone practically leaps out from their chairs. After a long round of greetings and hugs, they gather around almost as if they were having a unit meeting. Hailey takes a few moments to look around, and notices that there has been very little change, which is somewhat comforting. Her old desk is currently bare, as if waiting for her return. 

"Be careful with handing her over to Burgess, she might want a daughter next," comments Adam, only half joking. Jaiyana is being passed around after everyone (especially Kim) asked to hold her. 

"Too late for that, this little girl already has me sold," smiles Kim with Jaiyana in her arms. The little girl bats her eyelashes, earning a good laugh from everyone.  
Jaiyana smiles, absolutely delighted with all the attention she's getting. 

"Ok guys," Voight calls after a while. "I know today's a special occasion, but we have an urgent case," he reminds everyone, looking pointedly at the boards. "Hailey, why don't you help us with this one?" he offers. "I'm sure Sargent Platt won't mind taking Jaiyana for the day."

"Right here," she says, walking in on cue. She walks over to the little girl exploring under Jay's desk, having wriggled free of whoever was last holding her, and scoops her up.

"Ok then," Hailey agrees, handing over Jaiyana's backpack. "So what's the run-down?"

And just like that, she was back home.  
...

It was now almost May, and Hailey had settled into her new routine as part of the unit again. Today, on a rare weekend off, Kim and Adam had thrown a barbeque at their place to celebrate the end of yet another freezing Chicago winter. The air carries a mildly warm breeze, creating a pleasant atmosphere. 

"Hailey can you come over here for a sec?" Atwater calls from the open back door, pulling Hailey's attention away from the scene that's been captivating her for the last little while. Jay is currently producing giant bubbles for Jaiyana and Brayden using a giant plastic wand. Everytime he creates a new one, their daughter looks at him with such a sense of wonder and adoration that Hailey finds herself unable to look away. And every time a giant bubble bursts, Jaiyana looks to Brayden, gauging his reaction, before dissolving into fits of delighted giggles. They've been at this for at least fifteen minutes, but none of them are showing any signs of boredom yet. Especially Jay, whose eyes sparkle each time Jaiyana's bright laughter pierces the air.

Hailey drags her eyes away from Jay and their daughter and rises from the deck stairs she's been sitting on for the last little while. She moves towards the house, where Atwater has already disappeared back inside. 

"Ah, there you are," he says. "Do you see that tray up on the top shelf?" he asks, pointing to the open cabinet in the top corner. 

Hailey follows the line of his arm to where it's pointing. "Yeah, the silver one?" she clarifies.

"Yeah that one. Could you climb up on that plastic chair and get it?" 

Hailey quickly eyes it, judging the distance from the top of the chair to the shelf. "I think so," she says, already stepping one foot onto the chair.

"I would get it myself but I really don't think Burgess or Ruzek would appreciate me breaking one of their chairs."

Hailey laughs as she steps easily onto the chair. She stands on her tippy toes, but it's still a bit of a stretch; the cabinets go all the way up to the ceiling. Just as she grasps the edge of the silver serving tray, she hears the back door open. 

She hears his voice before he even steps inside. "Hey Atwater, have you seen Hailey? She was just..." His voice trails off and Hailey knows Atwater must have nodded towards her, because the next second, Jay exclaims "Hailey! What the hell are you doing up there?" 

Behind her, though she can't see it, Jay shoves Jaiyana into Atwater's arms and rushes forward, arms outstretched as if Hailey might plummet to her death at any second.

She manages to grab hold of the tray just in time to feel Jay's hands close firmly over her hips. Before she can even process what's happening, he's lifting her down. She can feel her skin burn under his hand despite the layer of fabric separating the skin to skin contact. As soon as her feet are planted firmly on the ground, she turns out of his grasp hastily, dropping the serving tray onto the counter with a clatter.

"For God's sake, Hailey," he breathes. "You scared me there." His heart is pounding in his chest, though he's not sure whether it's from seeing her climbing around on an unstable looking plastic chair or from seeing her ass right at eye-level as he was lifting her down. 

"Because," she replies half sarcastically. "Atwater wasn't about to break that chair by doing it himself and I'm a relatively capable person. In case you've forgotten, I can pass the detective fitness test at half the time limit," she sasses. 

"I know you're capable, Hailey. I just don't want you to fall," he mutters defensively, walking back over to Atwater to take Jaiyana back into his arms, settling her against his chest like a little shield. 

Hailey moves her attention towards their daughter sitting happily in his arms. Little wisps of baby hair have escaped from her ponytail and her cheeks are flushed with color. She steps forward, finger combing the hairs back into place and re-securing it with a tiny pink hair tie.

"Want some water, Ana?" asks Hailey.

"Me have juice?" challenges Jaiyana, voice hopeful. 

"How about water now and lemonade with dinner," Hailey compromises, knowing how much she loves lemonade. 

"Ok Mama," Jaiyana agrees easily.

Hailey grabs a red solo cup from the stack on the counter and fills it with some water. Jaiyana leans forward in Jay's arms, but Hailey still finds herself having to stand very close to him in order to bring the cup to their daughter's lips and place the other hand under her chin. 

"Good?" she asks, as Jaiyana gulps down her third mouthful of water. 

She nods. "Daddy water?" she asks, snagging the flimsy plastic cup by the rim, catching Hailey by surprise and nearly ripping it from her rip. She manages to save it from toppling to the floor, but in the process gets cold water all over both her and Jay's hands.

Jay laughs at the toddler version of surprise currently displayed on Jaiyana's face as Hailey passes the cup to him and attempts to shake off the excess water. He raises the cup before downing the remaining water in one big gulp and tossing the cup into the bin. Hailey raises her eyebrows in response and he grins. 

"We'll meet you back outside." 

With a subtle wink, he's out the door, and Hailey is left standing in the middle of the kitchen with hands dripping wet wondering what the hell just happened.  
...

Hailey had been able to enjoy the rest of the day with the unit, especially spending time with her friend and new partner Kim - both her and Jay decided it would be best to have separate partners given their situation. Jaiyana had spent pretty much the entire time glued to Jay's side, which Hailey finds slightly surreal. Three years ago, she could've never imagined being here today. 

She's caught off guard when everyone starts to leave and Jaiyana throws something of a tantrum when it's time for them to go. 

"Come on, Ana. Let's say bye-bye to Daddy so we can go home," she tries again, stroking her back and trying to calm her down.

"No!" Jaiyana protests, bursting into an even louder round of sobs.

"Come on Ana, We have to go. Don't you want to give Daddy a goodbye hug?" Hailey tries, looking helplessly at Jay. Jaiyana is usually pretty well behaved as far as little kids go. She can be stubborn, and has her moments, but for the most part she rarely acts out. "I think she's just overly tired, it's been a long day," Hailey says apologetically. 

"It's okay," Jay replies with a smile, but Hailey can see that the expression doesn't quite reach his eyes. She can tell he's torn and feels terrible for causing their daughter distress. "I'll see you soon kiddo, okay?" he asks, squeezing her little hand.

"No!" she wails again. "No bye-bye Daddy!" she pleads, reaching for him.

Hailey lets go of Jaiyana and passes her into Jay's arms. The little girl immediately clings onto him like a koala, refusing to let go. She knows Jaiyana is tired and cranky, but she also knows this wouldn't be happening if her and Jay were normal parents who had their shit together. She's grateful that Kim and Adam have retreated back to the kitchen to give them some space to deal with this uncomfortable moment. Everyone else has already left. 

"This really sucks," she whispers, rubbing Jaiyana's back, her hand bumping gently against Jay's as he does the same, trying to soothe their daughter.

"What if you guys stay here with me?" he offers, a little hesitantly. "I know it wasn't the plan, but..." he trails off, looking down at Jaiyana who's still sniffling through shuddery breaths in his arms. 

"I'm not sure Jay," she says, torn. It seems like bad parenting to give in whenever her daughter throws a fit. On the other hand, Jaiyana seems genuinely upset and kids shouldn't have to be torn away from their own dads like that. She isn't sure about spending the night at Kim and Adam's house though. She has nothing against them, it's just that she has no spare clothes and just needs the peace of her own apartment after such a long day. 

He seems to pick up on her uncertainty.

"What if she stays with me? I'm sure Kim and Adam won't mind. You could go back home, as planned, and she can stay and have a sleepover with Brayden," he offers.

"Um," Hailey starts, unsure of what to say. "I don't know..." She knew Jay planned to stay the night here so he could help clean up and spend more time with Kim and Adam, but she hadn't anticipated Jaiyana being with him.

"Come on, Hailey. You'll be ten minutes away if she needs you, my place is half an hour away," he reminds her. "And Kim and Adam will be here too. This is probably the best opportunity for her first sleepover, don't you think?"

"Yeah," she agrees, hesitantly. "I guess it is. It's just...this is so sudden," she tries to explain to him. It isn't that she doesn't trust him with their daughter, it's just that this came up to fast and unexpectedly that she's not sure how to handle everything. In the end though, she caves in.

"Do you want to stay here with Daddy, Ana?" she asks, heart beating erratically in her chest. 

Jaiyana's head snaps up from Jay's shoulder, nearly knocking out his chin. Her glassy eyes look hopeful despite the tears escaping them. "M-me stay w-wis Da-ddy?" 

"Yeah, if you want to," Hailey says. "With Aunt Kim, Uncle Adam and Brayden? Do you want to have a sleepover, and Mommy will pick you up in the morning?" she asks. 

"Yeah!" Jaiyana exclaims, a huge smile breaking on her face. 

"Are you sure you don't want to stay?" checks Jay. "I'm sure Kim and Adam won't mind."

"They already have a houseful, Jay," she replies, shaking her head. "I'll just go home and pick her up first thing in the morning," she says, stroking her fingers gently through Jaiyana's hair. 

"If you're sure," he says, a hint of uncertainty still evident in his voice.

"Yeah I'm sure," she nods, although she's anything but sure. "Come here Ana," she says, holding her arms out to Jaiyana. "Come hug Mama bye-bye before she goes," she murmurs.

Jaiyana wraps her little arms around Hailey's neck and squeezes, happy to be getting her way and being able to stay with Jay. 

"Bye-bye sweet girl. Be good for your Daddy, okay?" Hailey whispers into her daughter's baby soft cheek. "I'll see you in the morning, okay? I love you."

"I luh you too Mama," Jaiyana replies sweetly, giving Hailey a kiss and squeezing her neck one last time before turning back to Jay. Her little ponytail is coming loose again, and she stops herself from fixing it one last time before she leaves. She'll be fine. Hailey knows she will. 

When Jay lifts Jaiyana out of her arms, Hailey bites her lip to keep the sound in her chest from breaking free. She doesn't know what the sound would be, exactly, but she imagines it to be painful and wounded. 

She knows this is a step they need to take, it's just so much harder than she imagined, and even in her imagination she knew it was going to be hard.

He walks her to her car and she manages to start the engine and bring herself to pull out of the driveway. 

It feels like she just left every piece of her heart behind.


	11. Sleepover

It's a quarter to midnight when the ringing of her phone pulls Hailey into sudden consciousness. She's confused and disorientated until she sees Jay's name on the screen, illuminating the otherwise dark room.

"Jay?" she croaks out, concerned. "What's wrong?"

"I'm so sorry to wake you up, Hailey," he says, and she can hear the regret and guilt in his voice over the sound of her daughter's little whimpers. "Nothing's wrong, exactly, but I think you're going to have to come get her," he says miserably. "I've tried calming her down but she's really upset and I...I think she just really wants you," he admits. "I can bring her to you, if you'd rather..." he starts.

"No no," she stops him before he can finish. "Don't get her out at this hour. It makes more sense for me to come to you," she says calmly. 

"I'm so sorry Hailey," he says, and she can tell he truly means it.

"It's fine Jay," she says. And of course it is. The first night was always going to be difficult and she'd agreed to tonight largely because she knew she'd be closer by, should Jaiyana need her. "I'm on my way," she says, already throwing on her jacket. "Tell her I'm on my way."  
… 

"Is she okay?" Hailey asks as soon as Jay swings open the front door.

"Yeah," he says, and she practically wilts with relief.

When she reaches out her arms, he passes the crying child towards her mother and tries to not feel too disappointed when she practically launches herself into Hailey's arms. Jay guesses he should just be grateful she wanted to stay with him in the first place.

"Shhh shhh," Hailey comforts, stroking Jaiyana's back. The little girl has buried her face in her mother's neck, desperately seeking comfort in the familiar embrace. "Mommy's here, and Daddy was with you the whole time. We would never let anything happen to you Ana."

He can tell she's trying to include him, and he appreciates the effort, but he's still struggling to keep the pained expression off his face. He must be failing miserably because she says "Hey, it was the first try. It'll only get better, okay?"

"Yeah I know, you're right," he acknowledges. "I just really hoped she'd do okay. I'm so sorry I had to drag you out of bed," he apologises, scratching awkwardly at the back of his neck.

"No problem," she says. "It's part of the job," she shrugs, smiling.

Jaiyana's cries have begun to settle into pathetic, shuddering little sobs, and Jay lets out a sigh of relief. He's spent at least the past hour trying to settle her down. She'd done great as she and Brayden were getting ready for bed, but once Jay attempted to leave her in Brayden's room tucked in a sleeping bag, she began to fuss and demand more stories and drinks and extra hugs. Eventually, when he realised she was keeping Brayden and by extension Kim and Adam awake, he resigned and took her to the guest room where he was staying. By then, she had melted into full hysteria, and no amount of swaying or soothing words managed to calm her down. Jay finally had to admit defeat and call Hailey. 

"Come on Jay, bring her inside will you?" says Adam, walking towards them with his hand on the small of Kim's back, guiding her along with him.

They both realise they've been standing awkwardly in the front doorway the whole time. Jay steps aside to allow Hailey to come in. 

"I'm so sorry for all this," Jay apologises.

"No it's fine, really," replies Kim, full of understanding.

"Hey man, don't take it personally; Brayden still only wants Kim when he's upset. It's that Mommy magic, we mere mortals can't compete with that," Adam says, half comfortingly and half jokingly. He rubs Kim's back and places a kiss to the top of her head and Jay watches as her love-filled eyes look up at her husband. He feels a ping of jealousy in his chest. 

"Feel free to stay, Hailey," invites Kim. "There are spare blankets sleeping bags in the guest room closet."

"Thanks," Hailey replies. 

"We're going to head back to bed, if you guys don't need anything else," says Adam.

"Sure, we're good. Thank you so much. Again, I’m so sorry about all this," Hailey apologises. 

"No problem," replies Kim. "See you in the morning," she says, before her and Adam return to their room. 

Jay leads Hailey and their sleeping daughter to the guest room. He picks up a pillow and steps back from the bed. 

"You guys should take the bed. I can sleep on the couch," he offers. 

She eyes the bed, debating her next words before going ahead. "I won't kick you out of the bed, Jay. That couch is nowhere near big enough for you," she says, gently setting down a now sleeping Jaiyana in the middle of the mattress. "It's a king, there's plenty of room."

_Oh_. He sees what she did there. Jaiyana lies in the middle of the bed, effectively separating the two sides. Still, it's more than he hoped for, and he's willing to take whatever he can get.

He places his pillow back on one side of the bed. "This okay?" he checks. She nods and steps forward, kicking off her shoes before tucking herself into the warmth of the comforter. 

Jay looks at Jaiyana one more time, checking that she's still asleep, before turning his eyes back to Hailey. "Okay?" he asks, hand paused on the lamp switch. 

She nods once, and with a gentle click, the room plunges into darkness.   
...

Hours later, Jay wakes to find himself almost face to face with a sleeping Hailey. They've both slowly migrated towards the middle of the bed, towards their daughter and towards each other. His left arm is extended towards Hailey, and her cheek is resting against his forearm as if it was her very own pillow. Her gentle steady breaths brush against the sensitive skin on the inside of his elbow, sending tingling sensations all the way up his arm. Jaiyana is tucked between them, her little head resting just under his bicep. Her back is pressed against Hailey's front and her tiny fingers curl into the folds of his soft cotton shirt. The moment is so wholesome and perfect he finds himself holding his breath, afraid that the most minuscule movement could make everything fade away into the lonely dark years of his life he'd spent without them in his life. He takes in a deep but quiet breath and lets it out in a careful, measured exhale. He relaxes back into his pillow to enjoy this beautiful unguarded moment.

His fingers long to touch her, and he's helpless to stop himself. Before his brain can register what he's doing, his fingers land in her hair and he's gently stroking through her now undyed light brown waves. Slowly, his hand makes its way towards her face, and his thumb is skimming the line of her cheekbone. Her cheek is impossibly soft against his arm, and she nuzzles into him in her sleep, sending his heart crashing into erratic beats until he can feel his pulse throbbing through every inch of his body. The soft sunrise light begins to shine through the partially opened blinds, illuminating the highlights of her face and hair. His hand pauses and he watches, fascinated, as the lighter strands of her hair turn into golden silk and her figure is cocooned with a soft, angelic glow. 

Then, her eyelids flutter.

‘ _Oh fuck_ ,’ he thinks, ‘ _she's awake_.’   
...

Hailey is dreaming, and in her dream Jay is running his hands through her hair, and it's delicate and warm and perfect. She feels herself relaxing and melting under his touch.

And then it stops. 

Her eyes flutter open in confusion.

They meet wide, familiar green eyes - not her daughter's - and her breath catches in her throat. It hadn't been a dream. It'd been real. He had been touching her...he was still touching her, hand buried in her hair, unmoving. 

He was touching her like _that_. He's still looking at her like that, and it's doing the most wonderful but confusing things to her insides. She wasn't sure he still felt that way about her, exactly, but apparently the chemistry between them is still present and, well...very mutual. 

Her eyes stay glued to his. Her heart thumps loudly in her chest. She slowly brings her hand up to his. She traces the veins along the back of his hand and then along his fingers where they disappear beneath the veil of her hair.

Could they do this? Now?

Could they explore that part of them again without it all ending in heartbreak? She has her doubts. Her body wants it, that's for sure. But is it wise? Definitely not. Maybe she should just shut off her emotions, like she's done plenty of times throughout her life. But then, last time they hid their feelings from each other...they'd ended up both deeply hurt. If they did anything now, they'd have to be very open with communicating their feelings, intentions and expectations. 

She imagines what it would be like to wake up like this every morning, in the same bed, except maybe with their daughter in the room next door. If only Jay stopped being so impulsive and unpredictable whenever cases got personal. He seems like he's changed though. He's still himself but more mature. She thinks of how quickly he turned his life around for their daughter, and the way he handles himself at work now. Maybe she should leave that door open for them. She thinks she owes it to her daughter to be brave enough to take that plunge...and maybe she owes it to herself and Jay too. She's going to need a little more time to process and consider everything though, just to be sure.

So, not _no_ , but not _yet_. 

Decision made...for now. She squeezes his hand, as if to reassure him, then tugs it free from herself, rising into a sitting position. "I think I'm going to to clean myself up a bit, get ready for the day," she whispers softly. 

"Um y-yeah sure," he stammers. He feels a rush of cold air in the area of his arm where the warmth of her cheek had just been seconds before. His brain is still rattled, and he can barely form coherent thoughts, let alone express them verbally. 

Before he can manage anything else, she rises gently from the bed, careful not to wake their daughter, and disappears down the hallway to the bathroom. 

He's confused. She hadn't freaked out like he'd expected her to, but she hadn't encouraged anything further either. Of course, there's the fact that their daughter was asleep between them, so...it's not like things could've progressed much further anyway. Still, her reaction left him feeling deeply unsettled and he shakes off the comforter. Just as he's trying to figure out what to do next, Jaiyana stirs and wakes up.

She sits up, a little sleep drunk and confused at not waking up in her normal bed. Just as Jay is starting to think about how she's going to go into meltdown again and he's going to have to call Hailey back from the bathroom, Jaiyana smiles widely at him. "Hi Daddy!" she says, brightly.

He breathes a sigh of relief and can't help but smile in return. "Morning baby girl."  
...

Hailey walks back into the bedroom and the scene in front of her has both her heart and ovaries nearly exploding. Jay is standing near the window with only his pyjama pants, holding Jaiyana against the broad expanse of his bare chest. He's speaking in soft tones directly into her ear, and she seems perfectly content with listening to whatever he's saying and looking at whatever he's pointing to outside the window. Her baby soft waves are tangled, her thumb is in her mouth and her eyes are still a little puffy with sleep.

Hailey finds herself drawn to them, and she's filled with the desire to press her front against the bare skin of Jay's back, wrap her arms around him from behind and rest her head against him, breathing in the combined scent of his deodorant and their daughter's baby shampoo. She wants to share their view. All of them, together. 

Instead, she finds herself walking over to start making the bed. The ruffling of sheets and comforters alerts them of her presence, and Jaiyana's head pops up. She suddenly feels guilty for interrupting the moment. 

"Oh hi, you're back," Jay greets. He then catches sight of her and gulps, trying not to stare too much. Her hair is brushed up into a messy ponytail and her loose t-shirt screams ‘ _I left my bra behind last night in my haste to get here_.’

"Mind if I borrow this?" she asks, grabbing his black jumper from his pile of clothes from the chair next to the bed. 

"Of course," he says, easily. He can't help but smile when she tugs the old jumper on happily. Glancing down, she realises this is the same jumper she always stole during late night shifts all those years ago. She looks back up at him. Her insides do a flip at the charmed look on his face, and she can't help but smile in return.

As they're making their way out of the bedroom and towards the kitchen, Hailey can't help but watch the display before her eyes. Brayden is seated on the counter, playing some sort of clapping game with Adam. Kim stands at the stove, cooking pancakes. Once she finishes a batch, she plates it and delivers it to Adam with a quick kiss, before she steps back to watch them devour it, laughing. 

That's the family she's always wanted as a child, and the family she wants for her own daughter. 

For the first time, she fully allows herself to imagine that future for Jay, Jaiyana and herself.


	12. Family

"Catch me if you can!" Jay teases before pretending to run at his fastest speed around the park. Jaiyana shrieks in response and chases after him, her bright laughter piercing the crisp spring air. 

"Got you!" Jaiyana declares triumphantly, slamming into him and wrapping her tiny arms around her dad's legs. Hailey lets out a laugh as Jay stumbles, almost losing his balance. 

"Come on, let's go take a break," Hailey suggests, seeing her daughter's flushed cheeks and loose ponytail. Jaiyana's expression droops a little until Hailey adds "we can get some ice cream." 

"Ice cweeem!" Jaiyana exclaims happily, before taking off towards the food trucks next to the park. Hailey and Jay look at each other, smiling with slightly raised eyebrows. 

The little girl stands on her tippy toes, trying to see the different flavors. Jay scoops her up so she can see better. "That one!" she exclaims, pointing her tiny finger at the chocolate ice cream. 

"You want that one?" asks Hailey rhetorically, before turning to the server to order. Jaiyana watches in awe as the lady at the stand scoops the ice cream into a perfect ball and places it on a cone. 

The lady passes her the cone and Jaiyana grins as she takes the cone with her little fingers and immediately starts licking it greedily. 

"What do you say?" reminds Hailey. 

"Thank you!" she chirps, before continuing to devour the treat. 

"You guys have a lovely family," compliments the server. "She's adorable. The perfect blend of Mom and Dad," she smiles. 

Hailey and Jay look at each other for a second, unsure of what to say. "Oh...thank you," Hailey replies with a small smile.

They wave goodbye and head to a bench so they can rest and Jaiyana can eat her ice cream. Jay is silent as those words replay themselves in his head.

You guys have a lovely family.

_Family_.

Hearing someone call them a family...it felt weird, but not in a bad way. He supposes they do look like a family. It's funny, because he's never really stopped to consider how they look to other people. To be honest, he's not quite sure what they are. They don't live together, but him and Hailey co-parent well and get along. Well...after that morning it's probably safe to say they _more_ than get along.

Could they really give it a go? Explore that side of them and try being a proper family with both parents together? His heart wants it, that's for sure. But he can't help but think of what would happen if it didn't work. Would they be able to co-parent as efficiently as they do now? He knows they'd make it work for their daughter, but even the slightest chance of not getting along anymore scares him. Then there's the matter of work. They're no longer partners, given their situation, but they would still be in the same unit. Could they handle seeing each other everyday?

' _What if it does work?_ ' he reminds himself. 

Jay is pulled back down to earth by Hailey's voice. "Do you have any tissues or wipes?"

"Um...no," he replies, checking his pockets. He looks down and sees Jaiyana's ice cream covered face staring back up at him, smiling innocently as if to say ‘ _I didn't do anything_.’

He can't help but smile at that look. "What did you do, you little monster?" he asks. 

"Me eat ice cweem," she replies cheekily.

Jay smiles before turning to Hailey. "How about we go to my apartment so we can clean her up? It's just a few blocks away," he offers. 

"Sure."  
...

Jay wets a wash cloth before reaching over to wipe his daughter's face. Jaiyana, being the stubborn independent toddler she is, insists she do it herself. She grabs the wash cloth with her tiny fingers and begins wiping it over her face.

Once the ice cream is off her face, Jay scoops her up and starts walking further down the hallway. 

"Where are we going?" asks Hailey, curious. 

"I thought she could use a change of clothes too," he starts. She looks confused. Since when did he have spare clothes for Jaiyana? "And also," he continues, "I wanted to finally show you guys this," he says, opening the door. 

He watches as Hailey takes in the soft lilac walls with framed Tinkerbell artwork, the little white vanity and dresser, the tiny canopied bed with the purple fairy comforter, the window seat with the mini bean bag and the bookshelf already half filled with children's bedtime stories. Jaiyana is practically bouncing up and down in his arms, demanding to be let down so she can explore the place. He smiles in relief at his daughter's reaction. 

Hailey's eyes turn glassy and she pauses for several seconds before she manages, in a raspy voice, "You did this for her?"

"Yeah," he replies, "Of course. I started the day after I first met her. I've been working at it since. I wanted it to be perfect before I showed you guys," he replies.

"It's amazing," she marvels, eyes wandering around before turning to look him in the eye. "Thank you."

"No problem," he replies easily. "I just want her to know that she has a home here too. That she belongs with me too."

She nods as she struggles to find her next words. Finally, she smiles and comments, "she sure loves it."

They both look at their daughter, who is currently climbing around on the bed with a huge smile on her face. 

"Alright munchkin, I think it's time for your nap," says Hailey.   
...

After the little girl finally settles down and drifts to sleep in her new bed, Hailey and Jay retreat to the living room couch.

They sit in silence for several moments. 

"We need to talk about last night and this morning," she starts, "how we're going to manage her sleepovers and-". 

"Hailey," he interrupts, cautiously. "What if you and Jaiyana moved in with me?" 

She looks up at him, mouth slightly open with surprise. She was not expecting _this_ conversation. 

"Think about it. I have another spare room next to her room if you don't want to...stay with me." She looks around at his newly decorated home again, making note of the framed photo of Jaiyana next to the TV. "We can both take care of her and neither of us will have to say goodbye at the end of the day," he adds.

She knows it would be good for Jaiyana and it would be a lot easier on both of them as parents. Jaiyana's meltdown last night was gut wrenching. The whole idea of separation and shared custody... But after this morning, she could really envision them giving it a go and being a proper family sometime in the future. She just wasn't anticipating that to begin _now_. 

They literally _just_ started exploring that other side to them, which had not ended well last time. How could she even consider living with him when less than three months ago he wasn't even part of her life? In fact, he was the person who'd hurt her more than anyone else ever had - he still is. 

They've come so far since then, but they still have so much emotional baggage between them. Moving in with Jay seems like such an unwise choice, yet the thought of closing the distance that's developed between them over the last few years is appealing. After all, once upon a time, Jay was the most important person in her life. 

He sees her considering it. He can tell by the way her blue eyes go slightly stormy in concentration. He feels a spark of hope and excitement in his chest at the thought of convincing her. 

‘ _This is it_ ,’ he thinks. ‘ _This is my chance to prove that I'm ready for everything...my chance to prove that she can count on me_.’ 

"Two full time parents are better than one," he adds, enticingly. 

"Jay, living with a toddler full-time, it's...a lot," she warns, gently. Before she can even decide if _she's_ ready for it, she needs to make sure _he's_ ready. "I just don't want this to be something you throw out on a whim and then realise, too late, what a huge commitment it is."

His green eyes hold hers for a long meaningful moment. "Hey," he says, softly. "I know exactly what I'm committing to." ‘ _And who I'm committing to_ ’, he thinks. 

She can't believe she's even considering this right now. She pauses for a few seconds before letting out a shaky breath. "If I say yes, it wouldn't be permanent, okay? It will just be a trial run," she clarifies, her blue eyes locked with his green ones. "And either of us can call it off at any time if we need to - if it's too much too soon."

He knows she's still a little wary, but he can't really blame her. She hasn't said no, and that's a miracle in itself. 

"It will change your life, Jay, having us here," she warns softly, giving him one last out.

"I know," he says, an involuntary smile creeping onto his face.

He's counting on it.


	13. That Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a more intimate scene at the end of this chapter. Please excuse my crappy writing skills for that part. I have no idea what I'm doing since I'm only in high school. Again, any and all constructive criticism is welcome :)

"This is the last one," Adam says as he and Kim maneuver a large cardboard box through the front door. The box is labelled 'Hailey's Room', so they head down the hallway to set it down in the former guest room that's been recently designated as hers.

"Hey Jay," Hailey calls out, unsure of his current whereabouts.

"Yeah?" she hears his voice echo from Jaiyana's room, presumably unpacking their daughter's belongings.

"Kim and Adam just unloaded the last of the boxes. I'm going to call Natalie and have her bring Jaiyana over in an hour, give us time to eat and relax for a bit," she says, watching him pop his head out from the little girl's closet. 

"Okay," he says, wiping his hands on his old jeans. "I'm going to get Will to help me put up the mirror in your room, then I'll go find something for dinner. Any requests?"

"Not really. Just something simple. It's been a long day," she says. Truthfully, she's so tired and hungry she would probably eat just about anything Jay puts in front of her. "I'm sure Natalie has fed Jaiyana already, so anything's fine."

"Ok then. I'll be back soon," he says, making his way to the room nearby. She walks back into the living room and practically melts into the couch. She can hear the muffled sounds of people down the hallway. Will, Kim and Adam had been a godsend in helping them move at the last minute. She'd told Jay there wasn't a big rush, but once the decision had been made, he'd been determined to make it happen as soon as possible. 

It has only been two weeks since that initial decision. 

She's a little taken back by how quickly it all happened, but she's infinitely grateful to Will, Kim, Adam and Natalie for making it easy on them. 

Kim, Adam and the rest of the unit hadn't questioned them too much about it, only raising a few eyebrows and asking them if they were sure. Will was a little concerned, but let it go. 

Natalie, on the other hand, had _plenty_ to say about it, and understandably so. She's the one person who had pretty much a front row seat to the train wreck that was Hailey's life the last time things fell apart between her and Jay. She has faith in them though. She knows they can make it work. At least, she really hopes they can.

By the time Natalie arrives with Jaiyana (and Owen in tow), it's quarter to eight. Will had left half an hour ago for an emergency call at Med, Kim and Adam had just gone to pick up Brayden from a friend's house, and it's 15 minutes till Jaiyana's bedtime. When Jay suggests they hold off on bath time and let her stay up late just this once, Hailey gives him a look that clearly says ‘ _are you really trying to start a fight with me on my first night in this house?_ ’ He wisely decides that he should probably just give Jaiyana a quick bath and get her ready for bed. 

Jaiyana launches herself at Hailey the second Natalie is through the front door, but it's Jay she clings onto while the three adults stand in the doorway to catch up on the day's events. Natalie had taken Jaiyana and Owen to Navy Pier since the weather was pleasant and warm, and she recaps their day before asking how the big move had gone. Hailey tells her that her room is a slight disaster zone, but at least Jaiyana's is finished and ready to go.

Natalie and Jay's interactions are slightly cautious, but civil, which Hailey is thankful for. She chats with Natalie for a few more minutes, knowing she needs to get home for an early night since tomorrow is a work/school day for her and Owen. Her eyes keep subconsciously drifting back to Jay and Jaiyana though. She can't help but be drawn to their obvious adoration for each other. 

"I missed you kiddo," he says, pressing a kiss to Jaiyana's baby soft cheek. He turns to Hailey and asks, "I'm going to go run her a bath, if that's okay?"

She nods her permission, happy he's already eager to share the load of parenthood.

To Natalie he says "It's good seeing you, Natalie. It's been a while."

Natalie smiles a friendly smile and says "yes it has." To Jaiyana she says "bye Ana!"

"Bye!" echoes Owen after his mother.

Jaiyana waves at them as Jay carries her towards the bathroom. Her head rests on his shoulder and her little fingers clutch the material of his t-shirt. It's such a simple, yet precious sight.

She turns around to find Natalie giving her a look.

"It's not like that," Hailey says defensively. "Natalie, it's not!" she insists, when Natalie raises her eyebrow higher in reply. It's just...I can't help it. When they're together like that...it just- it gets me, you know?" Hailey takes a deep breath and meets Natalie's eyes. "I never thought she'd have this, and sometimes it gets a little...emotional? surreal?" she says, searching for the right words. Natalie's gaze softens before a look of gentle concern crosses her face.

"I know," she sighs. "I tease you about getting involved with him again, but in truth, I worry about you, Hailey," Natalie confesses. "When you look at him like that...I just don't want you to get hurt."

"Well that ship sailed three years ago," she mutters. "But I'm being smarter and more cautious this time. Moving here, it may not seem like it, but I'm really trying to do what's best for all of us, especially Jaiyana."

"Hey, I know you're doing what you think is best for her. I've never questioned that. Just make sure you're doing what's best for you, too, okay?" Natalie advises.

Hailey nods in agreement. "Okay," she says. "Thanks."

Natalie sighs. "Alright," she says, pulling Hailey into a hug. "I gotta go. Call me if you need anything, 'kay?"

"'Kay," Hailey agrees before letting go of the embrace. 

"Bye Hailey," she says, smiling. "Bye Jay," she calls down the hallway. He calls back a friendly goodbye over the sound of running water. 

"Bye Nat, bye Owen," she waves, opening the door for them and stepping outside briefly. She watches until the doors close on the elevator. 

She shuts the door and steps back inside. She pauses for a moment, listening to the sounds of Jay's low voice and Jaiyana's high pitched chatter over the occasional splash of water and resulting giggle. She savours the moment, letting the warmth from her heart spread deep inside her. She then starts down the hallway, wanting to be part of whatever happy moment is happening down there. She's aware that things won't stay this perfect forever, and Natalie's words aren't lost in her mind. She knows the whole thing could seriously blow up in her and Jay's faces - but she's pretty confident in their ability to protect their daughter from their potential stupidity, even if they can't protect themselves in the end. She knows it's still very risky, but she believes what they have to gain is worth that risk.

Jay was her best friend and partner for almost three years. If she can get that friendship back on track, she knows it will pave the way for whatever comes next. She's taking it in small steps for now, only focusing on the friendship, but the potential for more still lingers in the back of her mind.

The sight she walks into in the bathroom has her heart clenching with emotion. The bathtub has been filled with a mountain of sweet scented bubbles. Jaiyana is sitting in the middle with foam up to her chin and a small cloud on her head, smiling up at her Dad with pure joy. Jay looks pretty happy too, kneeling next to the bath with an open bottle of baby bubble bath at his side.

He recaps the bottle as she moves to kneel next to him. "I think I may have gone a little overboard with the bubbles, but she kept asking for more," he shrugs.

Part of her wants to remind him he can't indulge in their daughter's every request, but part of her, the part drowning in warm, dangerous emotions, just wants to hug him. Jaiyana's sweet voice interrupts her thoughts just in time.

"Look Mama, me got bubbles!" she states proudly, holding up a ball of white foam in her tiny hand. 

"I see," laughs Hailey. "Did Daddy run you a bubble bath?"

"Yeah!" she exclaims, grinning. "Daddy make bubbles!"

"How about we wash off those bubbles for now, so we can tuck you into bed?" Hailey says, lifting her out of the bath and into the shower, grabbing the detachable shower head. When the water is running at a steady warm trickle she runs it over Jaiyana, despite the stormy look on her face. "We have to get you to sleep because you have daycare tomorrow," Hailey reminds her, causing her features to brighten suddenly. 

When Hailey declares their child clean and bubble free, Jay lifts her out of the shower and wraps her in a big fluffy towel. Hailey watches as he dries Jaiyana's hair and pats down her wriggling body with surprising ease. Once their daughter is all dry, Hailey tugs a pull up on her and dresses her in a set of soft cotton onesie pyjamas. 

She's not sure how Jaiyana's daily bedtime routine is going to look at Jay's place, but she's happy to allow him to be as involved as he wants to be. She hopes that every night is like this. She's always wanted her daughter to have some vague warm memories from her early childhood, if nothing specific. 

She grabs a hairbrush from a toiletries bag on the bathroom counter. "She hates this part. Want to distract her with a bedtime story while I brush her hair?"

"Sure," he says easily, scooping Jaiyana into his arms and heading for her room. 

"What do you say, Kiddo? Want to read a bedtime story?"  
He sets Jaiyana on her little bed before grabbing a brand new story book from the bookshelf. Hailey pulls Jaiyana into her lap and before starting to run the hairbrush through her blonde waves as gently as possible. Turns out, brushing her hair is a hundred times easier when she's distracted. Hailey also finds herself getting lost in the story, which is made much more entertaining by Jay's animated voices. Before she knows it, the story is over and Jaiyana is slumped asleep against her chest.

"Good job," she says to Jay, smiling.

"It was a team effort," he says easily, smiling back. "Here, let me take her off you so you can get up and we can tuck her in," he says, placing the book back on the bookshelf nearby. He leans forward, slipping his hands beneath Jaiyana's little body and lifting her off Hailey. 

Hailey isn't sure if he notices the way his knuckles drag along the curve of her breast and the top of her thighs (he does) but she certainly does. She somehow manages to keep her breathing regular despite the tingling of her skin, long enough to climb out of Jaiyana's bed and help Jay tuck her in. They leave the door to her room open as they walk out, and they pause awkwardly in the hallway, suddenly unsure of what to do. 

Jay breaks first. "It's kind of surreal that we just put our daughter to bed, isn't it?" he says, eyes shining happily in the soft glow of the night light.

It's surreal to her too, parenting together. She's known Jaiyana ever since she was a little bean growing inside her, but she's starting to understand that Jay's only known Jaiyana for the last couple of months. She imagines how this must all seem to him. Amazing, wonderful, but absolutely crazy and surreal. 

"Yeah. It's definitely surreal," she whispers, deferring to their sleeping child.

"Thank you," he says softly. "For agreeing to move in with me, for letting me help tonight."

"Thank you for wanting to," she says sincerely, the soft tone of her voice matching his, trying not to think back to a time not so long ago when she believed he didn't.

He takes a step forward until they're toe to toe. "Always. I'll always want to, Hailey," he says. For a moment, they simply stand together, face to face, eyes gazing into each other. "Wake me up if either of you need anything, okay?"

She nods gently, before turning to go to her room. 

At the last second, she turns back around. "Hey Jay?" 

"Yeah," he answers, expectantly.

"Goodnight," she whispers, a small smile creeping onto her face.

He smiles back, and it's familiar and reassuring. "Goodnight, Hailey," he says. 

That smile is the last image in her mind before she drifts off to sleep.   
...

"Jay!" she cries, hearing the single gunshot ring out in the dark building. She rushes to the source of the noise, eyes wide, not even waiting for backup. When she said she'd follow him blind, she _meant_ it. 

She sees him lying there, a dark red patch growing on the fabric over his chest. 

"Jay!" she cries "stay with me, alright? You need to stay with me!"

His lips are moving, as if trying to formulate words. His chest heaves in effort. "Hai-" His head slumps, and his chest stops moving. 

"Jay NO!" she yells. "HELP!" she calls out. 

Burgess runs in and sees the horrific sight. She immediately springs into action, checking his pulse. After several long seconds, she shakes her head, her own eyes filling with tears. "He's gone," she manages, voice breaking off at the end. 

"NO! He can't be, he can't-" she cries, before her voice is muffled by the material of Burgess's vest as she pulls her in. Her eyes close and a deep wounded sob erupts from her chest.

"Hailey?" she hears, and it's the cruellest joke because the voice sounds so much like him. "Hailey," she hears again, and this time she feels a hand on her shoulder, and she opens her eyes.

She blinks. It's dark, and Jay is standing in front of her. The lean muscles of his upper body are illuminated by a soft glow from the gentle light in the hallway. She's no longer in a dark building but in a bedroom at his apartment. "Jay?" she manages to croak out, trying to suppress the sob currently lodged in her throat. 

"Yeah Hailey, it's me," he says softly. "Who else would it be?"

The sob breaks free from her throat. She can't hold it any longer.

"Hailey, it was just a nightmare," he reassures gently, slipping his arm around her and pulling her in. She's damp and cold and shaking uncontrollably. 

"You- you were dead," she sobs, shaking her head. "A bullet...your chest...I-I watched you stop breathing," she cries, trying to control the violent sobs shaking her body. 

"I'm not dead. I'm right here, okay? Everything's going to be fine," he assures. "Look," he says, taking her hand and placing it against his chest. His bare skin burns into her hand, and she can feel the steady thumping of his heart against her open palm.

A massive wave of relief surges through her as she realises it was all a nightmare. Her sobs settle into deep breaths despite the occasional hiccup. "We need to get you in some dry clothes, okay? You're soaked and freezing" he says. She nods her head, unable to bring herself to speak again just yet.

She turns to face him just as he returns to her side. "Hailey!" he hisses, surprise clear in his voice at the sight of her removing her oversized shirt, revealing nothing but her briefs underneath. Who cares about modesty when only moments ago he'd been _dead_? She feels him settle a robe around her shoulders, and as he attempts to thread her arms into the wide arm holes, she closes the distance between them and presses her bare front into his, resting her head on his shoulder and breathing in that familiar scent.

"Hailey," he tries again, voice full of warning, though this time his arms have wrapped around her bare torso, keeping her close. She isn't sure whether it's to keep her from backing up and exposing herself again or to keep her bare skin pressed close to his, but she honestly doesn't care as long as he keeps her there.

His body radiates heat against hers, warming her from the outside in. The fact that he's here with her now when she needs him...it's everything. He's not with some random girl, he's not at the bar, he's here, with her. The shock of the nightmare and his appearance and her subsequent actions have stripped all the bullshit between them and left them completely raw before each other. Here, at this moment, she decides she's not going to hold back any longer. She needs to show him how she feels, no matter what it means or if he feels the same.

She pulls her face back from his shoulder and meets his intense gaze before her lips bravely find his. Before they know it, they're both deepening the kiss with urgency and the few remaining items of clothing between them are quickly peeled away. There's a mystifying, indescribable ache inside her that goes beyond anything she's ever experienced before. 

Suddenly, she bolts straight upright in bed. 

She's alone in her bed at Jay's new apartment, not the old one. She's sweating and hyperventilating, and her body aches in the most yearning way. 

‘ _What the hell was that_?’ she wonders.

She's pretty sure she's just re-lived the most emotional, erotic sexual experience of her life through a dream, and it has completely shaken up her psyche to the very foundation.

If the first night at Jay's apartment managed to resurface the one memory she'd managed to push to the back of her mind for three solid years, she can't imagine what the days ahead are going to be like. 

Oh yeah, she's so screwed.


	14. Movie Night

They take the next day off to get settled into their new living arrangements. Jay picks up Jaiyana from daycare in the afternoon and entertains her so that Hailey can have some time to herself to finish getting her bedroom and bathroom unpacked. She obviously needs the alone time. She's flinched every time he's come within a two foot radius of her today, which he finds confusing after the moment they'd shared last night after putting their daughter to bed. Maybe he'd pushed her too hard? But his gut is telling him it's something different. In the past, he would have come to talk to her straight away, it was the thing that worked between them as partners. But this situation isn't work, it's so much more, and he's willing to give her that space if she needs it. 

Plus, he doesn't mind the extra time with his daughter. Jaiyana is the funniest, brightest, smartest kid he's ever been around. When she looks at him with those eyes that so closely mirror his own and gives him a smile that is so like Hailey, he's filled with a level of happiness and love beyond what he ever imagined was possible. 

He finds himself infinitely grateful to Hailey in a way he'd never anticipated. She's given him the absolute best thing in his life, something he never knew he wanted, and she'd done it when the easier thing would have been to give him exactly what she'd thought he'd asked for. He knows that, at the time, given the circumstances, it would have been easier for her - at least in some ways - to not go through with the pregnancy. He shudders at the thought of Jaiyana never existing. Just the split second image that flashes his mind is terrifying and nauseating. He quickly forces those unpleasant thoughts away and turns his focus back on making sure his daughter knows she's loved and wanted and treasured. He hopes to someday show those same feelings towards Hailey too. At no point in time, even when he was ignoring her, did he ever want her out of his life. Having her back now, in his home, with their child, is pretty close to perfect.

They're not quite there though. Things won't be truly perfect until she's here for the long haul. She still has a few items in her apartment and hasn't sold her furniture, having only agreed to a trial run. He has faith in her though, he can see her settling herself when she's overwhelmed and purposely making herself stay when she'd probably rather jump and run. She's trying her best. So, he spends the afternoon with his daughter and leaves Hailey to decompress. 

By the time evening rolls around, the majority of her room is unpacked and she seems to be more at ease. He notices that she doesn't flinch under his touch when they accidentally bump elbows tucking Jaiyana into bed. So, with that in mind, he invites Hailey to watch a movie with him as they walk out of their sleeping daughter's room. 

Ten minutes later, she joins him on the opposite end of the sofa. "So, what are we watching?" she asks. For a brief moment, he's too distracted to answer. Her skin is shiny clean and flushed with colour from the warmth of her shower. It's only when she raises an eyebrow expectantly that he snaps out of it.

"This," he says, smiling and hitting play. The opening credits to ‘The Cutting Edge’ begin to light the screen, and she smiles in approval.

"A 90s rom-com about figure skating? I didn't think you were the type," she teases. 

"I didn't think you were the type either," he shoots back playfully. 

"Touché."

They settle back into the cushions, content to just sit and watch a movie together. It's been too long since they've felt that sense of normalcy.

By the time Kate Moseley and Doug Dorsey have skated their way to the Olympics, Jay and Hailey have melted comfortably into the couch, and Hailey's feet have somehow found their way onto Jay's lap. He may or may not have tugged them there somewhere around Kate's magnet speech, he's not too sure. The analogy of magnets pushing away from each other over and over again when all you really needed to do was flip them over rattles both of them. They realise it's them. Years of circling and pushing away and one bad dream on one fateful night, and flip.

Jay's left hand rests on the top of Hailey's calf. His touch isn't sexual or overwhelming though. It feels warm and comforting and reassuring, and she feels loved and cared for. It's been a long time since she felt that way. Her eyes burn, and she closes them against the unwanted sting. Instead, she focuses on his hand against her skin.

She should pull away, she knows it, but she can't bring herself to break that contact with him. At least not yet. 

Over the sound of Doug confessing that he's fallen in love with Kate somewhere along the way, Jay says in a low voice "you seemed out of sorts today. Everything okay now?"

She smiles despite the sting behind her eyelids because it all seems so silly now. She'd dreamed about having sex with him. So what? Three years ago she'd _actually_ had sex with him, gotten pregnant, and had his baby. Dreaming about it now seems like nothing in comparison, especially when he's sitting with her in this moment, making her feel warm and safe and loved. 

She's done a lot of thinking today and realised that having Jaiyana to tie them together has loosened things between them in a way. It's made things less scary because she knows he will always be in her life because of their daughter, and she will always be in his life for the same reason. Sharing this little person between them means they will never drift apart and become strangers again. This knowledge allows her the freedom to imagine something more substantial between them in a way she'd always been afraid to before. 

For almost three years, especially towards the end, she'd been afraid of losing her place in his life. He'd become her closest friend, confidante and partner, and she'd been all of those things for him as well. No one who'd come and gone, romantic-relationship-wise, had changed that between them, but she knew in the back of her mind that it was only a matter of time before someone did come along and turn their relationship upside down. 

She'd never imagined that shift would come in the form of one tiny, perfect Halstead-Upton hybrid with his eyes and her smile. She'd worried, at times, that he would get some random girlfriend pregnant and that it would upend everything. Strangely enough, she was kind of right.

Her heart clenches as she acknowledges that he could still very well let someone else fill the place she currently holds in his life. Their current situation has a ticking time bomb on it, and she knows it. He does too. They aren't in a romantic relationship and they're currently not seeking that with anyone else either, but this won't hold true forever. For a quick moment she allows herself to imagine coming home to this house every evening, eating at the dining table as a family, getting ready for bed together and sleeping curled up next to him instead of alone in her current room. 

Then she imagines being a visitor in this house, dropping Jaiyana off while Jay shares everything she'd just pictured with someone else. Her chest physically aches at the thought. She has a big decision to make, and she knows she needs to decide sooner rather than later. She either trusts their relationship enough to explore it further, or she doesn't. The longer it takes for her to make that decision, the harder it will be if the answer is no. 

She opens her eyes to meet his gaze.

He stares into her stormy blue eyes, wondering what she's thinking. She seems relaxed, but conflicted and...sad?

"We're good, aren't we?" he asks, hoping the touch of pain in her eyes isn't caused by him.

"I had a dream about us last night," she confesses. The blue glow of the television screen cocoons them like a blanket, and she looks down at his fingers stroking the skin of her calf rhythmically, warm and comforting. "I dreamed about that night," she clarifies. "The nightmare, you waking me up, and...what happened after." His hand pauses, and her eyes flick back up to meet his steady gaze. "It just threw me, I guess."

She's taking a risk and putting herself out there, telling him this information. He knows this, and handles her vulnerability accordingly. He resumes the gentle stroking on her skin and feels her tighten at first, before relaxing back into it. "Must've been overwhelming. That night was...intense," he says, choosing his last word very carefully. 

"Yeah," she replies, voice a little raspy. He notices, but doesn't call her out on it. "Anyway, I was just in my head about it, but I'm fine now. We're fine," she assures, smiling gently. She feels better now after getting this off her chest. She misses this honesty they used to have, being able to tell each other anything. She misses that closeness, misses him, but she's a little afraid of how easily she's settling back into a life with him at the centre of it. She wonders again if moving in here with him was the right choice.

"You didn't have to," Doug tells Kate, drawing Hailey's attention back to the screen with the earnestness of his voice.

"Yes I did," she replies, audible certainly in her voice. 

"Why?" he asks, mystified.

"Because I love you," she confesses, simply. 

Those words hang in the air between them for several long seconds before Hailey sits up abruptly, pulling her feet out of Jay's lap. He lets his hand fall away, allowing her to retreat back to her end of the sofa. The movie ends and the perfect little bubble they've created over the past hour and forty minutes is popped, bringing them back into the real world. 

By the time the first notes of Joe Cocker's 'Feels Like Forever' blast out of the TV, celebrating Doug and Kate's happily-ever-after, Hailey is up on her feet. "I better go to bed if we have work tomorrow." It's been a good end to the evening, but she feels the need to retreat to the safety of her room to process this newly rekindled closeness. The past 24 hours have been a roller coaster and her head is swimming. 

He can tell she needs the space again, and he's okay with it. "What time should we get up tomorrow?" he asks, softly.

"Maybe 6:45? Depends on if someone wants to feed our daughter breakfast while I get ready or not," she says, not-so-subtly.

"I think I can handle that," he says, smiling and rising from the sofa. 

"Ok, well I'll see you in the morning I guess," she says as she heads down the hallway.

"Hailey," she hears him call just as she reaches her bedroom door. She turns around expectantly. 

"Yeah?" she asks, quietly. 

"Thanks for staying up with me," he says with a small smile.

"Of course," she says, returning his smile. "It was nice...but next time it's my turn to pick the movie, 'kay?"

_Next time_. He sees what she did there. 

"Deal," he says, placing the remote back on the coffee table. "Goodnight Hailey."

"Goodnight," he hears her whisper just as she closes her bedroom door.

He tip-toes down to Jaiyana's room and peeks his head in. She's asleep in the middle of her little bed, limbs sprawled out, comforter half kicked off and mouth slightly open. He steps forward and pulls the light comforter back over his daughter's sleeping form. He kneels down beside her and watches as her tiny chest rises then falls, reassuringly. He takes in her sleeping face for several seconds. With her eyes closed, she looks so much like Hailey it's uncanny. Finally, he brushes her silky blonde hair away from her face and presses a gentle kiss to her soft pink cheek. "Night, baby girl," he whispers. "Daddy loves you."

With that, he rises and makes his way to his own room. Tomorrow is the start of their new routine together, and he's more than ready for it.


	15. How It Should Always Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some family fluff and a moment ;)

"Daddy?" asks Jaiyana hopefully as soon as Hailey picks her up from daycare. 

"Daddy's at work, remember?" Hailey reminds her gently, and the little girl's face drops. "We're gonna see Daddy tomorrow, Ana," Hailey says, placing her daughter in her car seat. "We're picking him up from the airport. We're going to see the airplanes."

"Airpane?" Jaiyana asks, little eyebrows furrowed.

"Mhm," Hailey confirms as she buckles the mini seatbelt in. "We'll see him tomorrow, but right now it's time to go home," she says, before shutting the back car door and settling into her spot in the driver's seat.

As she drives back home, she thinks about the day to come. Jay and the rest of the unit, excluding Kim and Hailey (because of Brayden and Jaiyana), had to fly to New York for a case. Trips like this were pretty normal. Jay has worked with the Special Victims Unit a handful of times before. So for him, it was no big deal.

At least, it hadn't been before.

He seemed really bummed to have to leave Jaiyana for the whole working week, which Hailey knows is something he's never had to worry about before. She understands the struggle all too well - she's said no to countless opportunities during her time in New York simply because she couldn't leave Jaiyana for any extended period of time.

He told her he'd catch a taxi straight home, but there was definitely a hint of hope in him that she'd offer to pick him up. She purposely ignored the subtle implication, planning to surprise him at the airport before going for a family day at the beach. She hasn't told Jaiyana that last part yet because if, heaven forbid, something happens and they can't go, Hailey will never hear the end of the whining that will follow.

She tries to ignore the tiny spark of excitement at the thought of seeing Jay tomorrow, as well as the fact that she's really missed him this week, having gotten used to being together practically 24/7 over the past month since she and Jaiyana had moved in. She wonders if he's missed her too.  
...

It's ten o'clock by the time Jay arrives in baggage claim, and he'd just managed to spot and pick up his bag when he feels a small person bump into his leg. He looks down in shock and confusion until he sees his daughter smiling up at him. 

"Hi daddy!" she says brightly.

"Hey kiddo!" he replies, happily surprised, and immediately drops his bag and reaches down to lift her into his arms. He buries his face in Jaiyana's soft hair and breathes in her sweet scent - a mix of toddler shampoo, clean fabric and just the faintest hint of Hailey.

He scans the crowd for Hailey and finds her standing a few feet away, smiling at them.

"Daddy airpane?" she asks, curiously.

"Yep," he says. "I went on the airplane," he confirms, reaching down to grab his bag with the other hand.

"Ready to get out of here, kiddo?" he asks.

She giggles in response, but doesn't say anything, so he navigates them in Hailey's direction.

"Hey, didn't expect to see you guys here," he says when he reaches her side, smiling.

"Did you really think I was going to let you catch a taxi home by yourself?" she asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Ehhh, well you certainly wanted me to believe so," he shrugs.

"Oh hey guys," Hailey greets, spotting the rest of the unit coming their way.

"Hi Jaiyana," Voight waves at the little girl in Jay's arms. "Good to see you here, Hailey," he says.

"Halstead's been a pain in the ass this trip. The amount of times he's whined over having to be apart from you and Jaiyana," Atwater starts.

"Hey! I did not whine," Jay protests.

Rojas walks up behind Atwater. "You definitely whined, buddy."

Hailey laughs and Jay sighs in defeat.

"Hey, you two wanna come to Molly's for drinks tonight to celebrate closing the case?" Atwater invites.

"Thanks, but I was going to spend the night with these two," he says, looking at Jaiyana in his arms and Hailey beside him.

"No problem. A little family time, I get it," he replies easily.

"Speaking of, where's Adam? Weren't Kim and Brayden going to pick him up?" asks Jay.

"He went to meet them in the pick up area. Parking's a nightmare, apparently," replies Voight.

"I can confirm that," says Hailey. "I was barely able to find a park in time."

"Well anyways, we better get going," says Jay after feeling Jaiyana start to wriggle in his arms.

They wave a round of goodbyes and see-you-laters before Jay, Hailey and Jaiyana make their way to the carpark.

As he dumps his luggage in the trunk, he sees the extra bags. "Huh, so where are we going now?"

"Well, I was thinking the B.E.A.C.H," she says, buckling Jaiyana in. "She loves to go S.W.I.M.M.I.N.G."

He remembers her mentioning at some point that it's best to not tell Jaiyana of any fun plans, as there is a huge price to pay should plans change at the last minute. He smiles, enjoying this Mommy-Daddy moment of shared secret parent code more than he can articulate.

"Let's go," she says, and they climb into the car.

"Wait a minute, I didn't pack any-"

"All taken care of," she interrupts, nodding towards the back.

"Wow, since when were you so organised?" he teases.

She gives him a pointed look. They both know that it's him who's the unorganised one. He raises his hands in the air in mock innocence. "Okay okay, geez. Really giving me the death stare there."

She huffs, starting the car with a mock eye roll and barely contained smile.  
...

Jaiyana is practically levitating out of her car seat as soon as the beach is in sight. It's clear by the way she's bouncing up and down and shrieking "me swim! me go swim!" that she knows exactly where they are and why they're here.

"Cat's outta the bag, I think," says Jay, smiling at Hailey.

She laughs. "You think?" she replies sarcastically.

They park the car and head down to the change rooms to change into their swimmers. He quickly finishes, and waits outside. Hailey walks out in a navy two piece swimsuit with Jaiyana in her arms, tugging her little floral rash guard into place. She tries to not stare at his toned upper body, instead looking up at his face, only to find his eyes wandering down to her midriff.

She's suddenly a little self conscious. "What?" she asks, laughing nervously to hide her embarrassment, snapping him out of it. She knows she shouldn't be embarrassed. Out of all the scars on her body, those are the only ones she earned through a positive experience.

"Nothing. Let's go," he says, before things can get awkward.

They begin walking down to the sand, and Jaiyana is squirming in Hailey's arms, desperate to get down so she can play. They set down their towel and put down their bags. Jaiyana has already managed to find the shovel and bucket, and sits on the sand happily digging. Jay spots her tiny butt cheek poking out of her swimsuit bottoms, and chuckles.

Hailey's eyes follow his and she lets out a sudden and genuine laugh when she sees what he's been looking at. His eyes move back to hers and he knows he's grinning like an idiot.

She moves forward to re-adjust their daughter's bathing suit, then joins her in the sand digging. He could lie here and watch them all day, he thinks, so he settles in to do just that. He watches as Hailey crouches down in the sand, helping Jaiyana shovel sand into the red, plastic bucket until it overflows, then emptying it into a large pile until they have a mountain almost as tall as Jaiyana herself.

It's not long though before the little girl's attention is captured by Jay's bare torso, her love of bellybuttons still clearly evident. She toddles towards him, slightly unsteadily in the sand, her hand holding a yellow shovel full of warm sand. He and Hailey watch amused as she dumps the sand into his overflowing belly button. 

"Button!" she cries gleefully, flinging the shovel back towards Hailey, sending the last bits of loose sand flying over her head.

"Button?!" Jay cries, jumping up and shaking the sand off himself. "I'll show you button!" he teases, scooping her up and lifting up her floral rash guard to blow noisy raspberries against the soft skin of her belly.

He continues to torment her mercilessly, eliciting bright shrieks of laughter until she's coughing and gasping for air. "Again!" she cries, but as she coughs a few more times, he gently redirects her attention to the ocean. He seeks out Hailey's permission with his eyes, and when she nods in approval, he lifts Jaiyana onto his shoulders and barrels into the water to her sheer delight.

Hailey watches as Jay charges into the waves with their daughter. She eventually picks herself up and makes her own way into the water a few feet away, wanting to be a part of whatever happy moment was happening down there.

Jay stops when he's chest deep in the water, and lifts Jaiyana down from his shoulders to hold her securely against his chest. "On the count of three," he says, smiling. "Ready?" he asks.

"Red-dee," Jaiyana repeats.

"One," he says, bouncing them in the water. "Twwooo," he draws out, slowly, bobbing up and down again.

"One, teeewww," Jaiyana repeats, drawing out the two exactly the same way Jay had.

"Three!" he cries, jumping up dramatically.

"Treeee!" Jaiyana parrots, and they both take a deep breath and disappear beneath the surface of the water.

Hailey's heart stops for a brief second, but she doesn't even have time to go into full on panic mode before they're bursting out again, Jaiyana laughing gleefully and blinking water out of her eyes. Hailey has no doubt Jay will have her swimming by the end of the summer.

"Good job, kiddo! Again?" he asks, brushing her wet hair back from her forehead and planting a kiss in the middle. "Yeah!" she cries in excitement.

She has a moment there, watching them in the water. ‘ _This is how it should always be_.’  
...

"I really missed this," he says softly as they step out of their daughter's room into the dimly lit hallway.

"Me too," she replies, matching his soft tone.

He pauses for several seconds, carefully considering his next words. "When I was in New York, you were all I could think of," he confesses. "I just kept seeing you and Jaiyana everywhere, and every time I saw you, you looked sad and alone."

Her eyes meet his and she sees the pain in his eyes.

"You know I don't blame you, right? Not anymore," she reminds him gently.

"I know," he sighs. "It's just...knowing I wasn't there for you or her when you needed me most. I missed out on the first two and a half years of my daughter's life, and I'll never get that time back."

She can see the pain in his eyes and it breaks her heart. She'd spent so long thinking she was the ultimate victim of this whole mess. Now, thinking about it, the person who has suffered the most may just be Jay. Yes, she had to raise her child alone for those first two and a half years, but she got to watch her baby grow, and that made everything completely worth it. He missed out on the first two and a half years of his daughter's life, not even knowing she existed.

"Growing up with my Dad I always thought to myself that I would never be like him. If I ever have kids, I would always be there for them, no matter what. I wasn't there for Jaiyana," he whispers miserably.

"Hey, Jay, look at me," says Hailey sternly. "That’s different. You didn't know about her existence, and no matter what anyone says, it's not your fault. It was a chain of bad decisions that several people contributed to, including me," she states. "I see the way you are with Jaiyana now. You are a good father, Jay. We both didn't grow up with the best fathers, but our daughter will," she assures, looking him straight in the eye.

Those words are exactly what he needed to hear.

He nods solemnly and she steps forward to wrap her arms around him. They melt into each other's embrace, fitting together perfectly like two puzzle pieces. When they finally break apart, their faces are only inches apart, and their eyes gaze into each other.

The moment stretches on and on, vibrating with tension like a suspension bridge whose cables, creaking and rigid, hold fast despite the tumultuous waters below.  
He doesn't realise she's holding her breath until a shuddery exhale slips from her parted lips, hitting him in the chin and drowning him in her.

He loses it then, despite his best efforts, his own breath spilling out of him in a rush of air that may or may not have sounded like a moan. The sound is cut off abruptly as his lips settle firmly against hers. She tenses up a little in surprise, before her lips automatically melt into his.

Before they know it, their hands are all over each other. His hands glance over her hair, shoulders, then down to her hips. His fingers tug up the hem of her loose tank top until they come in contact with her warm bare skin. Hailey seems to be following his line of thought. Jay feels her fingers slop down the nape of his neck and dip, searchingly, down his singlet and he can't help but tug her against him.

Simultaneously, and almost immediately, they both pull back, sensing the dangerous drop off just ahead. The pop of their wet lips separating echoes in the air between them, followed by their ragged breaths.

‘ _Too much_ ,’ they seem to mutually agree.

They stand there, faces barely an inch apart, breathing in each other's exhaled breaths, until eventually he pulls back just enough to check in.

She smiles shyly, still shaken from the intensity of Jay's kiss, and says softly, shakily, "We should probably get to bed, it's been a long day."

He thinks there's no way either of them will be able to actually sleep after that, but he knows she needs some alone time to process what just happened. He probably does too.

"Okay," he whispers.

"You good?" he asks, linking his index finger against hers, affectionately.

"Yeah, I'm good," she promises, twisting her fingers around and squeezing his hand reassuringly. "Goodnight, Jay."

"Goodnight Hailey," he says softly, and they gently part ways, retreating into their respective rooms.

It feels like everything was just flipped on its head. For the first time, Hailey knows for sure that she really does want a life with Jay, and it has nothing to do with Jaiyana or being Jaiyana's mom. This is a revelation she wasn't prepared for.

Ever since they reconnected, this has all seemed so terrifying, taking a chance on Jay, on this life. But now, everything has turned upside down. She's seeing everything from the opposite side, like Alice through the looking glass - and the flip side of the coin is a life without him.

Suddenly, a life with Jay, a life truly with him, sounds much less scary to have and infinitely more scary to miss.


	16. Sick

Hailey sits bolt upright in bed, heart racing. Jaiyana's cries echo loudly through the apartment. They're the type of piercing wails that have waves of nausea rippling deep in her stomach and cold sweat breaking out all over her body. It's the type of cry that means something is seriously wrong.

She's immediately wide awake and rushes to her daughter's room. She almost crashes into Jay, who is looking equally panicked. 

"What's going on?" he asks, frantic.

"I don't know," she replies, moving to the toddler bed. She sinks to her knees at her bedside. Despite the low light in the room, it's clear the little girl is sobbing uncontrollably. 

"Hey, you're okay. Mama's here" she coos, comfortingly. "What's wrong, baby?" she asks her, lifting up her pyjamas and scanning Jaiyana's little body for signs of physical trauma. 

"Can you turn on the light?"

He doesn't answer, just simply flicks the switch. 

Light floods the room, revealing the gut wrenching sight of Jaiyana, tears streaming down her cheeks, clutching her bedspread tightly in one hand and covering her right ear with her other. Hailey tries to gently remove her hand from her ear to take a look, but that only makes her cry harder.

"Oh my god!" Hailey gasps, touching Jaiyana's bare skin for the first time. "She's burning up," she explains, sounding panicked. 

Jay kneels beside her and reaches out to brush his daughter's hair away, before placing his open palm against her forehead. He hisses in response to the level of heat against his hand. "What do you want me to do?" he asks, already rising to his feet.

Jaiyana gets up clumsily, still half tangled in the bed-sheets, and reaches for Hailey. She automatically grabs her daughter and holds her close, struggling not to panic. She's been through teething and the occasional cold with her child, but never anything that has reduced her to this current level of hysteria. Hailey tries to stay calm. "You're okay, I've got you," she soothes, rubbing a hand up and down her tiny back. To Jay she says, "There should be a thermometer and infant's tylenol in my bathroom medicine cabinet. Can you get them for me? I'm going to take her into my room." He quickly nods and heads for the door.

It takes Jay a minute to find the items before he returns to Hailey's room. Dim light from the bathroom spills into the room, cocooning mother and child. Hailey is sitting on the side of the bed, rocking their daughter and speaking to her in comforting low tones despite her unceasing cries. Jaiyana's head rests against her chest and her legs fall on either side of her hips. Her arms are wrapped so tightly around Hailey's neck it's a wonder she isn't having trouble breathing.

"Here," he says, passing the thermometer and medicine towards her.

She takes the thermometer but not the tylenol. “Read the bottle and see what her dose is. She's about twenty-eight pounds now. There should be a little chart on the label."

While Jay fumbles with the medicine bottle, Hailey takes Jaiyana's temperature. 

Jay has just managed to fill the medicine dropper with pink-red liquid when he hears an electronic beep and Hailey's gasp. "What is it?" he asks, scared to hear the answer. 

Hailey can't bring herself to say it, instead turning the display for him to read.

102.1F

His heart drops. "What do we do?"

"Here," she says, holding her hand out for the medicine. "Let's give her the tylenol then we can go from here." 

She takes the medicine and turns to Jaiyana. "Here, let's take some medicine, okay? It'll make you feel better." She tries to lean back to where she can see Jaiyana's face, but her daughter clings onto her even harder, crying. 

"Jay, can you tilt her back away from me a little so I can see her face?"

Jay steps forward and attempts to lift her away from Hailey's chest but she clings on like a baby koala. He can feel his heart breaking, but he tugs her back until most of the contact is broken and Hailey can see her face.

It takes a few minutes of coaxing before Jaiyana opens her mouth enough to let Hailey give her the medicine. A few drops are lost as they drip out from the corners of her crying mouth, but eventually they get her to swallow the majority of the medicine. As soon as it's done, Jaiyana throws herself forward, tightly clutching her mother once again.

Hailey looks up at him, blue eyes glassy from the tears threatening to spill over. "What do you need?" he asks, willing to do anything short of severing a limb in order to soothe his daughter's - and her mother's - pain. 

"I don't kn--" her voice catches, and Jay watches her struggle to finish. "I don't know. She's never been this sick," she says, looking completely helpless.

Scratch that, he would actually sever his own limb right now if it would help the situation in the slightest.

"Can you hand me my phone?" Hailey asks, and he retrieves it from her nightstand and hands it to her. He watches as Hailey scrolls through her contacts and presses the phone to her ear. After several seconds, she says, shakily, "Hey Nat, it's Hailey. Ana's running a pretty high fever, and I don't know what to do - if I should take her to the emergency room or...can you call me back when you get this? Thanks."

He takes the phone out of her hands and immediately starts dialling a number, not bothering to scroll through contacts. "What are you doing?" she asks, confused. 

"It's Tuesday night. Will should be on overnight shift," he replies. 

Will picks up on the third ring. "Hailey?" he asks, voice full of concern.

"No Will, it's me," Jay says, breathing a sigh of relief at him answering. "Jaiyana's really sick, and Hailey and I aren't sure what to do. Should we take her in?"

"What's wrong?" Will asks.

"I don't know, she just woke up crying. She's holding her ear and she has a really high fever - over a hundred," he adds, struggling to keep the panic from his voice.

"That is high, but you can probably get it to come down some. Sorry but the ED is pretty swamped right now and I don't think I'll be able to see her. Do you have some tylenol?" he asks.

"Yeah we already gave her some," he replies.

"Ok then, try putting her in a lukewarm bath - not cold. You don't want her to make her shiver, that'll increase her internal temperature."

"She's shivering right now!" he exclaims, panic rising.

"Jay, calm down. It's okay," says Will, level-headedly. "I can hear her crying. As long as she's awake and responsive and breathing normally, she’s fine for now. Try the bath and and if the fever doesn't go down then take her in. I might be able to squeeze out some time to look at her," he says. "If she's holding onto her ear she might have an ear infection. You should take her to her paediatrician in the morning but in the meantime try and keep her ears dry when you give her a bath."

"Okay," Jay replies, taking in all the information.

"Give me an update soon and let me know how it goes," he requests. "I really need to go now."

"Okay. Sorry for bothering you with all this," he apologises.

"No, not at all. Tell her her favourite Uncle says hi, okay?" says Will, attempting to lighten the mood. 

"Thanks, Will. Bye," he says then disconnects the call. Meeting Hailey's questioning gaze, he says, "Will says we need to put her in a lukewarm bath and not let her get too cold because shivering is bad, and also we need to keep her ears dry because she probably has an ear infection."

"Okay," Hailey breathes, already standing and heading into the bathroom. "Can you run the water?" she asks, taking a seat on the toilet lid with Jaiyana still clinging onto her.

He runs the water in the bathtub while she sets about removing their daughter's pyjamas and her pull-up. These normally simple tasks are made more challenging by her clinging on and the sticky sweat on her little body. Once she's naked it's clear how hot and flushed she is, and Jay prays that this works. 

"Okay," he says, once the tub is half filled. "The water's ready."

Hailey steps forward to place Jaiyana in the water and their child lets out a noise Jay's never heard before in his life. It's a sound somewhere between a scream and a howl. Regardless of what it was, it's clear she's not having any part of the bath.

"Ana," Hailey soothes. "You have to get in the bath, baby. It's going to make you feel better," she promises. Jay watches as Hailey attempts to detach Jaiyana from her again. Jaiyana curls her fists into Hailey's hair and wraps her legs tighter around her waist, refusing to be separated from her mother.

"No!" she screams into Hailey's chest. Her face is bright red and slicked with tears and snot. Jay thinks he might cry too if things don't get better soon.

"M-m-mama," Jaiyana sobs, brokenly.

"Okay okay," Hailey says. "What if Mama gets in with you?" she asks, stepping over the side of the tub. Jaiyana continues to cry, but doesn't protest when Hailey lowers them both towards the surface of the water. Taking this as a sign of acceptance, Hailey sinks all the way in, still wearing the shorts and tank top she'd worn to bed.

Jay grabs a handful of washcloths from the shelf and kneels beside the tub. Without further discussion, he starts wringing washcloths full of water over their daughter's tiny body. She wriggles uncomfortably the first few times but eventually settles against Hailey in exhaustion and allows them to continue.

They aren't sure if that's a good or bad sign.

They stay like this for the next little while. Hailey whispers to Jaiyana how much Mommy and Daddy love her and how they want her to feel better, as she presses gentle kisses to the top of her head. Jay continues to wring water over her, trying to not get Hailey any more wet than necessary. Eventually, he gives up on the second part. The ends of Hailey's hair cling wetly to her shoulder and upper arms, and her tank top is completely saturated despite her only being submerged from waist down.

After around ten minutes, Jaiyana starts to shiver and Jay grabs a fluffy towel before returning to help Hailey up from the bath. 

Earlier, Jaiyana had clung fiercely to Hailey, but now she's practically limp in her arms, so Jay decides to test his luck and wrap the towel around her, lifting her from Hailey's embrace. The big fluffy towel swallows her tiny body and he wraps her up and cradles her in his arms. His heart swells as he looks into her little flushed face. He presses his lips to her forehead and practically sags in relief as he discovers it's lost some of the burn that was there earlier.

Hailey must have seen the look on his face. "Did it work?" she asks, voice a mixture of worry and hope. Jay's attention is drawn back to her. She's standing in the tub, clothes dripping wet, arms hugging her body.

"Yeah, I think it worked," he says before shifting Jaiyana into one arm and offering Hailey his free hand. "Come on, you need to get dried off, then we can take her temperature again. I'll sit with her," he assures.

"Okay," she says, towelling off the wet ends of her hair. As he watches, he can't help his eyes wandering up and down her body, clearly visible through her soaked clothes. He sees her shiver and tears his eyes away because seriously, now is really _not_ the time to be checking her out. 

"I'll get you some dry clothes," he says, making his way to her room. Jaiyana whines as he leaves the bathroom, and he presses his lips to her forehead again, whispering "It's okay, Daddy's got you." She whimpers again in response but closes her eyes and rests her cheek against his chest without further protest. 

Back in Hailey's room he quickly digs through her drawers, looking for something warmer than what she has on. He finds a pair of cotton pyjama pants and pairs them with a t-shirt that's a similar shade of grey. He hesitates at her half open underwear drawer, before swallowing and snagging off the pair at the top. 

He turns to find her stepping into the hallway. "Here you go," he says, stepping forward and placing the clothes in her hands, the underwear resting on top of the pile.

Her eyes meet his and her cheeks go slightly pink. "Thank you," she says.

"No problem," he replies. "I'm going to get her dressed so you can get cleaned up. I'll meet you back here soon?"

She nods, stepping forward to place a palm against Jaiyana's forehead. She seems to relax a little at the slightly cooler temperature there.

"Get into some dry clothes, Hailey. I've got her."

Sighing, she steps back and allows him to take their daughter into her room to get her re-dressed. 

He gently towels Jaiyana's hair dry, tugs on a clean pull up and tucks her feet into a pair of soft pink footed pyjamas. Once the pyjamas are zipped up, he takes her back into his arms. She buries her face into his chest again and he sighs.

By the time he makes it back to Hailey's room, she's dressed in the clothes he picked out for her and stands waiting for him with the thermometer in her hand. "She barely fought me at all," he says quietly, unsure if their daughter's sudden silence is a good or bad thing. "I think she's just worn herself out," he guesses hopefully.

Hailey steps forward and places one hand comfortingly on Jaiyana's back. "Hey Ana," she whispers. "Mama's gonna take your temperature again, okay?" she asks. Jaiyana simply looks at her with wide, tortured eyes and Hailey looks up at Jay with a pained expression. 

He nods, encouragingly. "You've got this, Hailey. Go ahead. She's fine."

This time when the thermometer beeps, it's followed by her sigh of relief. Hailey turns the display so Jay can see it too.

100.2F

Not ideal, but still much better.

"We should get her to drink something," Hailey says, standing close and smoothing her hand back and forth over Jaiyana's upper back.

"Here," he says, shifting their daughter towards her. "You take her and get into bed and I'll go get her some water or juice, which is better?" he asks, unsure.

She receives Jaiyana easily, the little girl melting into her mother's arms once again. "There should be some grape electrolyte drink powder in the pantry. Can you mix some of that with water in a sippy cup?"

"Sure, I'll be right back," he says, nodding and heading towards the kitchen. 

When he gets back, he finds them curled together in Hailey's bed, looking comfortable and beautiful and completely wiped out. 

He kneels at the side and hands Hailey the tiny sippy cup. He watches as she smiles - it's the purple one, Jaiyana's favourite. He'd made a point to find this one specifically.

"Ana," Hailey whispers. "Daddy brought you something yummy to drink in your favourite cup. Can you take a drink for Daddy?" she asks, convincingly.

"Ana cup," Jaiyana confirms, leaning forward obediently to take a long drink. Her voice is raspy from crying, but it's lovely to hear nonetheless.

"Good girl," Hailey praises as she takes a few more small sips. She then stops drinking abruptly and holds her cup out to Jay, yawning.

"You sure you don't want anymore?" he checks. She shakes her head no and he smiles lovingly at her. "I'm going to put this right here, and you can tell Mama if you want more, okay?" he asks, standing and setting the sippy cup down on the bedside table. He watches her yawn and nod in reply before settling her head against Hailey's chest and closing her eyes. Jay leans forward, bracing one hand on the mattress and one hand on the bed frame. He presses a gentle kiss to Jaiyana's baby soft cheek then pulls back slowly, hovering over Hailey, uncertain. Then she looks at him with bright blue eyes full of relief, fatigue and something akin to love, and his uncertainty fades. 

He presses his lips to hers. It's nothing like the kiss they'd shared a couple nights ago, or the many they'd shared that night three years ago. It's a simple firm press of his lips against hers, it's a ' _we did it_ ' in the form of a kiss, because they had done it. They'd survived the first truly terrifying experience with their child together, and there's something very real and binding in that.

When he pulls away, she reaches for his hand. She must sense that he doesn't want to leave them, that he wants to stay. Despite the tiniest speck of hesitation in her eyes, she eases herself towards the opposite side of the bed to make room for him and lifts back the covers, silently asking him to stay.

And so he does - his big spoon to her little one, her little spoon to Jaiyana's baby one - and together they sleep.  
...

They wake two more times in the night, once to demands for more electrolyte drink and once to whimpers that require a quick pull-up change and another dose of tylenol. 

When they wake in the early morning, Hailey feels overheated but strangely rested despite getting very little sleep. Jaiyana is asleep against her chest with overly rosy cheeks, her body acting like a heater against Hailey's torso. Jay is pressed against her back and her cheek currently rests on his bicep. Being sandwiched with these two, it's no wonder she feels like she's been sleeping on the Sun. 

Jay suddenly shifts against her and rolls on his back. "Good morning," he whispers, turning his head to look at her. "How's she doing?"

"Okay, I think. Still warm, but not overly hot," she says, also shifting onto her back and looking over at him. "You should probably call Will, he'll be worried about her."

He nods, before asking "What about Natalie? Did she ever call you back?" 

"I texted her last night saying we got a hold of Will and Ana was a little better. She hasn't responded though, probably fast asleep."

"You think we should take her into Med?" he asks, lifting his head to get a look at their daughter who is still sleeping peacefully curled into Hailey's side.

"I think so. Her paediatrician is in New York so that's not an option. I'm sure either Will or Natalie will be on shift, so they can take a look at her. She still has a fever and she probably needs antibiotics for her ear. She's been tugging at it on and off throughout the night."

"Did you manage to get _any_ sleep?" he asks, concerned.

"Not a lot," she confesses. "But I feel surprisingly rested despite the lack of sleep" she assures. "We should get up and take her in as soon as possible. I don't want her to suffer any longer than necessary."

Jay immediately gets out of the bed, grabbing Hailey's phone. "I'll call Natalie and Will and ask if either of them are available today, and I'll let Voight know we can't come to work today. You go get yourself and her ready."

"We can't leave the unit two people short," she sighs. "How about you call Voight and tell him what's going on? I'll probably take the day off either way, but if the appointment goes well there's no point in you missing work," she suggests. "I'll update you every hour, I promise," she adds when she sees him open his mouth, preparing to protest.

He really doesn't want to leave their daughter while she's sick, but he also knows they can't both take the day off and Hailey is perfectly capable of looking after her alone. "Okay," he agrees, after a pause.

She rolls out of bed, careful not to wake Jaiyana. She stops to hug him on her way to the bathroom. "Thank you," she says as his arms wrap easily around her. She pulls away sooner than she'd like because now really isn't the time, but she smiles at him over her shoulder as she enters the bathroom, and he returns it.  
...

By the time they're all ready to go, Will has called back saying his shift is ending but he can stay until Jaiyana gets there, and Natalie has called saying she's on her way to Med right now. They tell Will to go home and rest, assuring him Natalie will be seeing Jaiyana. The little girl is still cranky and clingy this morning, but nothing near the hysteric meltdown level of the night before. 

Hailey and Jay take turns walking with her in their arms as they wait for Natalie in the waiting room. The movement seems to distract her from the pain in her ear. While one person is holding her, the other is filling out the vital records sheet. Jay fills out a decent portion before Hailey takes over the rest - there aren't many blank spaces left. 

The appointment surprisingly doesn't take too long. Natalie's clearly experienced with treating young children and having someone familiar eases Jaiyana's anxiety and makes her more co-operative.

It turns out the ear infection is most likely viral, so no antibiotics necessary at this point, just tylenol for pain and plenty of rest and hydration, which they're already giving her. Natalie tells them to call her immediately if Ana's temperature spikes again or if she's not feeling better after two or three days. Unfortunately, the virus is just going to have to run its course, but it's not too severe now so Jaiyana should make a full recovery in a couple of days. As they exit the room, Jay and Hailey feel one hundred times lighter and more at ease.

Everything was going to be okay.


	17. You Cover Well, But I've Got Eyes

"Hey, is Jaiyana okay?" Voight asks as soon as Jay walks into the bullpen. 

"Yeah, the doctor said she'll be fine and Hailey's with her," Jay says. "I still can't help but worry though," he admits.

"There's no such thing as not worrying, man. I remember when Brayden got sick for the first time. I watched him sleep for two nights straight," Adam confesses.

"True story," confirms Kim. "Don't do that," she advises. 

Jay cracks a smile in response. "Ok, I won't," he assures. 

"If anything changes, you have my permission to leave. Just give me a quick heads up," Voight offers.

"Thanks Sarge," Jay says, grateful for his understanding.

"Right, let's get to work. We have a case to solve," Voight announces, gesturing towards the board.  
...

It's probably a good thing today's case was so intense. It distracted him enough that he only picked up his phone a few times throughout the day to check for Hailey's updates. 

Jay returns to a quiet home that evening and immediately tip-toes down the hallway to Jaiyana's room. He finds her fast asleep, tiny body sprawled out over the bed and mouth hanging slightly open. He presses a gentle kiss to her forehead and brushes back her hair, sighing in relief when he finds her skin slightly cooler than it was this morning.

He's preparing to enter the bathroom to shower when he notices the soft light behind the closed door escaping through the small gap at the bottom. He knocks gently. 

"Hailey?" he asks, voice quiet to avoid waking Jaiyana.

"Yeah?" she croaks out, voice weak. "You can come in...I promise it's safe," she assures, and he can hear the smile in her voice despite sensing something is off. 

He cracks open the door to a puff of hot steam, revealing Hailey completely submerged in Jaiyana's bubble bath. Her skin is flushed bright red and he can clearly tell she's sick, probably caught whatever their daughter has.

"Jeez Hailey, it's way too hot in here! You gotta get out before you give yourself brain damage."

He quickly grabs a large fluffy towel from the shelf and hangs it on a hook beside the bath. 

"I'm going to get you some tylenol and water. You get dried off and dressed, okay?"

"Fine," she relents, knowing it's no use arguing against him right now. 

He sets some water and tylenol on her bedside table and goes to his own room to change before returning to sit on her bed, leaning against the headboard, waiting for her return. His shower can wait. All that matters now is making sure she's okay. 

He hears the door open and watches as she steps out of the steam, damp hair in a messy bun, cheeks pink and eyes glassy. Her arms are wrapped around the front of her body, trying to keep the heat in despite it being the middle of summer. 

Without a word, she climbs onto the bed and sits next to him, head resting sleepily on his shoulder. 

"Come on, you need to take some medicine," he reminds her before she falls asleep.

She complies, swallowing a dose of tylenol and half a cup of water before settling back against him with a sigh.

"Have you taken a temperature?" he asks.

"I'm fine, really," she lies. "I just need to sleep it off."

During their time as partners, Jay has never seen her this sick. It's quite obvious that she's most certainly not fine. 

"You cover well, but I got eyes, Hailey."

She smiles a little, remembering when she said those words to him years ago.

"I hate it when you're sick," he says. ' _Or injured_ ', he thinks, remembering the multiple times she'd been injured on duty. "I hate seeing you in pain."

"Labor would've been a real bitch for you then," she mumbles.

He immediately freezes, mind inundated with images. Hailey heavily pregnant, Hailey sweating and crying out in pain, reaching for a hand that should be his but isn't.

His hand drifts down shakily and settles on her lower abdomen. 

"You okay?" she asks, sounding sleepy yet more alert and more herself.

"You grew our baby here," he whispers.

He hears her swallow and imagines he's probably left her speechless with his random emotional observation. Now probably isn't the time, but there's something about the intimate quiet setting of the darkened room that has him opening up. 

"I picture you pregnant sometimes," he confesses. "When I do, you always look so sad...I hate that." He hates that that's the image his mind pictures when he thinks about something so special. He hates that he's the reason she would've been sad in the first place.

"Jay," she breathes "I wasn't," she assures. "Well I was sad, but not always. I loved her so much, even before she was born," she tells him, placing her hand on top of his. "The love I experienced, that I still experience, it makes it all worth it."

‘ _I still should've been there_ ,’ he thinks.

"Jay you've got to stop blaming yourself," she says, turning to look him in the eye, sensing his thoughts. "Yes it was hard, but it was worth it to get to where we are today. I've already forgiven what happened, but you need to as well if we're going to move onto the next chapter of our lives."

He nods and she squeezes his hand in response. 

"Goodnight Hailey," he whispers, shifting forward to get up. They've been getting closer, but he's still careful about not pushing her. While they've slept in the same bed before, it's previously been with their daughter between them.

Just as he's about to stand, she reaches out and grabs his wrist. 

"Stay?" 

One word, yet so much meaning.

"Ok," he whispers, and climbs back in to lay down next to her.

After a while, her eyes close and her breaths become long and even. He allows himself to relax a little.

Those words from earlier don't even fully sink in until he's on the verge of sleep himself. 

‘ _The next chapter_.’ 

Smiling, he drifts off to sleep.


	18. The Next Chapter

"All good?" Hailey checks one final time, turning to Jay for confirmation.

"We're good," he confirms, gesturing towards Jaiyana in his arms.

"Call me if you need anything, okay?" 

"Seriously Hailey, we're going to be fine," he says. "Now go enjoy your day out with Nat."

She feels a slight twinge of guilt, since that's not the actual reason she's going out. Natalie knew this and agreed to cover for her in case Jay couldn't reach Hailey while they were supposedly out and tried to call her. ‘ _It's a small white lie for a good cause_ ,’ she reminds herself. 

"I'll see you when I come home," she promises, her voice suddenly soft. As she says these words, she realises they're true. This has become her home. Their home. And it's scary how much she suddenly wants to come back to their home every night for the rest of her life. 

"Okay," he whispers, eyes suddenly intense as if recognising the change in her, and the gravity of the moment. 

A sudden loud and demanding "Food!" has them both snapping out of it. 

"Well, someone's hangry," Hailey jokes. 

"Yup," Jay chuckles.

"You better feed her an early lunch. I should probably go," she declares.  
"Yeah," he agrees.

"Bye Ana!" Hailey calls, stepping out the front door. 

"Bye Mama!" Jaiyana waves.  
...  
Jay is deep in thought as he watches Jaiyana eat. He glances at the empty seat opposite him and he's a little disappointed that Hailey's not there. At the same time, he knows that she really deserves some time off, working a full-time job in Intelligence and being a Mom to their daughter. 

That being said, it doesn't mean he wouldn't rather be spending their Saturday together as a family, in their own little bubble. Ever since that kiss in the hallway followed by the period where Jaiyana and Hailey fell sick, they'd built a new sense of closeness. Something has shifted in these last few weeks, he can feel it, and he thinks she can too. 

Whatever's next, he's ready for it.  
...

Hailey sits down and glances around at the dark leather and wood furnishings, taking everything in. It's been a while since she's been in her solicitor's office. Last time she was here, it was a quick two day trip shortly after Jaiyana was born for one purpose only: updating her will. It sounds grim, but you never know if something will happen, especially working in the police force. If something were to happen, her daughter was counting on her to make the proper arrangements so that she'd be taken care of. 

In the draft of her will drawn up that day, sole custody of Jaiyana would have gone to Natalie had something happened to Hailey, and all of Hailey's assets would have gone to trust for her daughter with the exception of some small portions set aside for her brothers. Natalie would have had access to that trust to provide for Jaiyana, but the majority of it would have been signed over to Jaiyana once she became of age. 

Jay's name was on Jaiyana's birth certificate from the start, so had he found out about Jaiyana and decided to contest the will, he probably would've got full custody of their daughter, but Hailey didn't think at the time that Jay would want any form of custody. She knows different now, though, and so today, she intends to amend her will so that Jay will have full custody of Jaiyana and control over the trust should something happen to her. She completely trusts Jay to manage that trust, and more importantly, to raise their daughter with love, and she hopes to make sure he knows that.

"Miss. Upton, right this way," the office manager calls, indicating her solicitor is ready to see her. She rises and follows the woman into a large office down the hallway.

"Detective Upton!" her solicitor beams, reaching out and shaking her hand in welcome. 

"Just Hailey, please," she reminds the older gentleman, politely.

"Hailey," he amends. "Good to see you! What can I do for you today?" he asks, gesturing to the chair on the opposite side of his large, wooden desk. 

"I'd like to update my will, with regard to the trust we set up for my daughter," she explains. 

"I see," he replies, nodding and flipping through the documents in front of him. "So would you like to change the age at which your daughter will receive her trust or the person who will be in charge of your daughter's trust?"

"My good friend Natalie Manning will no longer be the one to control the trust," Hailey explains.

"Okay," he replies. "And who would you like to designate in her place?"

"I would like to designate Jay Halstead." 

"Name sounds familiar. You already have him in here, don't you?" he says, flipping through more pages. "Ah, here he is," he says, answering his own question. "In the event of your death, Jay Halstead is to receive your Chicago Police Detective badge." He looks up at her then, over the top of his glasses. "This is your former partner, is it not?" he asks.

She nods before taking a deep breath and saying, "He's also the father of my daughter."

"I see," he says. "I presume you want him to have full custody of the child and the trust should something happen to you then?" At her nod of confirmation, he asks, "Is he named as the father on the birth certificate?"

"Yes, he is," she says, grateful that she hadn't decided otherwise at the time, given the hurt.

"Well, it's just a simple matter of drawing up a new draft with the name change and having you sign it," he states. "We can get started right now, if you like."

She's aware of how messed up this all sounds to someone on the outside, and she's thankful the man is nothing but professional.

"I was hoping to get one more thing sorted out today, actually, if you don't mind," she says.

"Of course. What else can I help you with?" he asks, kindly.

"I need help with the legal process of having Jaiyana's last name changed."

The old man's expression softens, and he smiles knowingly. "To Halstead?" he asks.  
She returns his friendly expression and nods. "I'd like to hyphenate her last name, actually, to Jaiyana Trudy Upton-Halstead."  
...

Hailey slips through the front door and immediately notices the quietness in the apartment. It shouldn't be unsettling, since it's Jaiyana's nap time, but something just didn't feel quite right. She can’t put her finger on what, specifically, though.

She silently makes her way down the hallway and sighs in relief when she sees Jaiyana peacefully sleeping in her little bed. She then continues towards the master bedroom in search of Jay.

She finds him sitting on the edge of his bed, head bowed. "Hey, what's wrong?" she asks, and when he lifts his head, she immediately knows something is very, very wrong. His eyes are glassy and rimmed red, and although he isn't actively crying, she can tell that he definitely has been and probably will again soon. She kneels down in front of him, thinking of all the possibilities of what could be wrong. Was it a flashback? Was Will or someone from the unit hurt? She'd be worried about Jaiyana if she hadn't just seen her sleeping moments earlier.

He finally looks her in the eye and takes a deep shuddery breath, and her heart gives a painful twist in response. "Remember Mouse? I told you about him." She nods, remembering the stories she's heard of the guy who served with Jay and worked alongside Intelligence before reenlisting. "He was killed in action, Hailey. He's gone."


	19. Rest In Peace

Hailey doesn't say anything, because really, what is there to say? Nothing is going to bring him back. So instead, she simply pulls Jay into her arms and holds him close. She presses a gentle kiss to his jaw and rocks her body slightly as she might do with Jaiyana.

He takes a shuddering breath and she can't tell if he's crying or not because she can't see his face. She just continues holding onto him as he takes long, trembling breaths.

"I'm here," she whispers again and again until she finally feels him begin to relax against her. Then, she slowly breaks apart, just enough so she can see him properly. 

Shattered. That's the only word that can be used to describe the expression on his face right now. 

"Do you want me to go get you some tissues?" she gently asks, wiping away a single tear from his cheek.

"Stay?" he whispers, voice broken, and her heart squeezes in response. There's so much behind that one word.

"Yeah," she whispers. "I can stay."

"And can you..." he starts to ask and then pauses, struggling to get the painful request out. "Will you come with me to the service?"

"Of course I will," she manages with a whisper, her own eyes welling up, and he loves her so fiercely at this moment. The way she understands his pain to a point where she feels it with him, the way she held him and comforted him, no one could do that except her.

He nods, throat attempting to work for several moments before he finally chokes out, "Thank you, Hailey."

She suddenly looks toward the door and he's confused for a second before following her line of vision to see Jaiyana standing there, sleepy-eyed and yawning, one hand rubbing at her half-opened eye, the other clutching her favourite teddy.

"Hi Ana," Hailey says softly, quickly blinking away the tears that were threatening to spill moments earlier and smiling at their daughter. "Did you have a good nap?"

Jaiyana nods, still yawning widely. "I up now," she mumbles, clearly only half awake. She's usually pretty energetic after her nap, so whatever Jay occupied her with before her nap, it clearly wiped her out. 

"I see that," Hailey says, amused. 

The little girl blinks her eyes a few times, looking at Jay's red rimmed eyes curiously. "Daddy?" she questions.

"Daddy's just a little sad right now," Hailey explains, gently, walking over and lifting Jaiyana into her arms. "Let's give Daddy a hug, shall we? Make him feel better?"

Jaiyana nods and Hailey sets her down next to him. Jay braces himself for the emotional impact of this hug, hoping not to break down in front of their daughter, but is surprised to feel nothing but comfort when Jaiyana climbs into his lap and wraps her tiny arms around him. Hailey then wraps her arms around him, sandwiching their daughter perfectly between them. Jay rests one hand on Jaiyana's head and the other on Hailey's back, and in this moment he thinks nothing has ever grounded him more and made him feel more grateful to be alive.

They stay like that for a while, until Jaiyana eventually begins to fidget. Hailey pulls apart, and slowly rises to her feet. "You stay here with Daddy while Mommy goes to make dinner, okay?"

"Me hold Daddy," Jaiyana agrees, grinning up at him adoringly, completely unaware of the emotional impact of her simple statement. Jay's heart swells in his chest and he blinks against the stinging in his eyes. 

Hailey feels it too, and has to stop and compose herself for a few seconds before speaking again. "What do you feel like for dinner?" she asks.

He's about to say "nothing", but remembers the little girl in his embrace who's relying on him to take care of himself. "Anything's fine," he says. After a pause, he adds "Thank you, Hailey."  
...

They lay him to rest on a gloomy Friday morning. The stormy clouds above feel dark and heavy, fitting for the somber occasion. The whole unit is in attendance, paying respect to a former member of the team.

Jay maintains a strong and stoic front the whole time, and for the most part, he covers well. Hailey knows him though, and doesn't miss the way his lips tremor slightly from time to time as he holds himself together. 

She's hardly left his side in the past few days, both taking a brief furlough. Voight offered a week off for Jay, knowing how close he was to Mouse, and didn't hesitate to agree when Hailey asked for a week off too so she can be there for him. 

She's not taking care of him because she feels obliged to. She wants to be there for him, and he's letting her. He wants her there. 

She's filling the roles, she knows, that a partner would fill in a time like this. Not a work partner, a life partner.

It feels wrong to think about their relationship now, in light of such a profound loss, yet what better time to reflect on your life, on where you are and how far that is from where you want to be?

‘ _I'm almost there_ ,’ she thinks, ‘ _to where I want to be...to where I want us to be. We're so close_.’ 

When the indoor service ends and they move to the cemetery for the graveside portion, she feels him stiffen next to her. He's done his duty as a pallbearer, given a short, heartfelt eulogy, and the casket has been safely delivered to its final resting place. He's brought his friend as far as he can, and now it's really time to say goodbye.

The sudden tension in his body is probably the first significant reaction she's seen all day, perhaps even the first since the day he found out the news. All week, he'd seemed so in control of his emotions, it wasn't like anything she'd seen before. He wasn't being reckless and falling into old habits, which was a relief, but the quietness was still unsettling. She hadn't pushed him to open up or express his emotions though. As long as he doesn't spiral, she's going to allow him to grieve the loss when he's ready.

She'll be patient, and she'll be there for him when it does happen, because she loves him. It's that simple.

His eyes are still dry as they cover the casket, but she notices how his hand shakes as it releases the handful of earth.

After the service ends, he spends some time visiting other graves in the military cemetery. Hailey understands his need to do so, and waits patiently inside the car, giving him the privacy he needs.

She doesn't say a word as he climbs silently into her car. His hand blindly searches for hers as he stares out the passenger window with a blank expression. She feels the chill in his fingers when they interlace with hers, and she presses a comforting kiss against his knuckles before driving them home.


	20. At Last

Jay still hasn't uttered a single word by the time they enter the quiet house. Jaiyana is with Natalie, and Hailey finds that the apartment is strange, though not unwelcoming, without the sounds of their daughter's happy chatter. She takes off her dress shoes and places them on the rack, noticing the empty space where Jay's polished shoes should be.

He never wears his shoes inside.

She allows him to return into his room and takes out her phone to call Natalie. While she waits for her to pick up the phone, she picks up a couple of Jaiyana's scattered toys and tosses them back into her toy basket next to the TV stand.

"Hi Hailey, how was the service?" she hears Natalie ask.

"It was okay, I guess," she replies, unsure of how to describe it.

"And how's Jay?" Natalie asks, gently.

"Alright, I think. Just quiet," she replies as she picks up Jaiyana's soft, faded purple blanket and begins to fold it. She brings the square of fabric to her nose and breathes in, taking in the sweet smell of her daughter. "How's Ana?" she asks.

"She's good. She's building a castle with some blocks right now. Do you want me to put her on the phone?" she asks.

"No, it's fine. Let her play," Hailey says, setting the baby blanket on the couch. "Are you still okay with her staying the whole day?"

"Sure. My night shift doesn't start until after dinner. I can keep her till then. That way she and Owen can have a while to play together after he gets back from school. You guys take all the time you need."

"Thanks," Hailey says, gratefully.

"You go be with Jay," Natalie says. "Ana's fine here. I'll see you guys tonight," she finishes before they say goodbye and disconnect the call. Hailey sits in the unusual silence for several seconds before rising to her feet and making her way to Jay's room.

She finds him sitting on the foot of his bed, shirt half unbuttoned, head bowed. 

"Jay," she calls softly, not wanting to scare him. When he meets her eyes, they're glassy and red rimmed. Her own eyes start to well up at the shattered look on his face.

"I'm here, Jay," she whispers, kneeling in front of him and wrapping her arms around his body.

He begins to shake as the wave of emotions finally break open the flood gates. This is the undoing that he'd known was coming, the breaking apart he's been avoiding for the past week, maybe even the past three and a half years, ever since the day Hailey showed up in the parking lot of his apartment demanding him to tell her face to face that he didn't want them...the day he watched her back away from him crying, and disappeared from his life. He lets it all wash over him in a violent wave - Mouse, Hailey, Jaiyana. He feels breathless, as if the waves of emotion were slamming him against the rocks, but he lets the moment happen, because he knows the peace he will finally feel on the other side - the calm after the storm. 

He finds a sense of comfort in letting go, in the solace that comes from fully allowing yourself to grieve a loss. He's not sure how long he cries for, but he knows Hailey is there with him the whole time, sometimes crying with him, sometimes simply holding him and silently promising to stay.

When the storm passes and he comes back to himself, she's still kneeling there in front of him, body pressed against his. His dress shirt is still open, and her hands have snaked their way around his bare torso. Despite the warmness and softness of her touch, he eventually pulls back so he can wipe his own eyes. Then, he shrugs off his dress shirt as if it's the most natural thing in the world and gently dabs each of Hailey's cheeks. Tossing the now half damp and wrinkled bundle of fabric to the floor, he reaches up to cup her face in his rough palms. Their eyes burn into each other with a look so intense it's completely indescribable.

They're drawn to each other. Connected.

And it feels right. In the sheer intimacy of this moment, it finally feels okay to give in to the enormity of this thing between them. 

"Hailey," he whispers.

"Yeah?" she whispers back, so quietly he's surprised he can actually hear it over the pulsing in his ear.

Instead of replying with words, he slides down onto the floor until he's on his knees, facing her. He gives her a look, as if daring her to take this plunge. When she continues looking at him with that burning intensity, he lets his hand trail down from her face to her waist. He then feels her fingers graze his bare back, then press into the small of his back. Instinctively, he leans forward and smashes his lips against hers.

She's instantly open to him, and their lips melt into each other. All these years they've managed to keep this boat in balance, only rocking it a few times and half tipping it over once. But now, the boat has completely capsized, drowning them in the love and passion they've avoided swimming in for so long. His hands are everywhere at once, in her hair, holding her waist, grabbing her wrist in a desperate attempt to hold on to some sense of control. She's equally busy, fingers exploring all the muscles of his shoulders and back.

When they finally come up for air, there are all sorts of warning bells and sirens going off in their heads. Chest heaving as he struggles for air, he presses his forehead to hers and finally confesses the truth he's been trying to convey to her for ages now. 

"I love you, Hailey," he whispers. He's known for such a long time, but actually saying the words out loud is something else entirely. "I think you probably know that already," he continues, not waiting for her reply. "And I'm not expecting you to say it back, but-"

"Jay, I-"

"You don't have to say it right now," he says. "But I can't do what we're about to do if you're not completely sure of us. I can't lose you all over again. I couldn't take it," he confesses. "It would be too much."

"Hey," she says, softly, cupping his jaw in her hand. "I'm sure about you," she assures him. "I'm ready, and I need this," she whispers, pressing a kiss to his lips.

He doesn't need to be told twice.  
...

They lay together in the master bed, catching their breath, and for a while, all she can feel is the adrenaline coursing through every inch of her body. Later though, when her mind has settled, his previous confession comes back to her. 

"I love you too, Jay," she whispers, softly.

His head whips around to face her. His expression is absolutely priceless; the perfect mix of shock, happiness...and love.

"I've always loved you. I don't think I've ever stopped," she continues before he has time to respond. "I didn't tell you back then, because I was scared. We'd both been hurt by falling in love with people at work, and you were so reckless, getting too invested in cases, I kept thinking I'd lose you. So I denied it to myself to protect myself, but deep down I knew I loved you," she confesses, squeezing his hands with her own. "For those three years, I let hurt and anger convince me that I didn't love you, and later, when you re-entered my life, I let fear keep me from completely letting go of that hurt, but all of that fear is gone now," she says, feeling a few tears slip out the corners of her eyes, happy tears. She thinks of how quickly he turned his life around for their daughter, how professional he's been with handling cases and how he leaned on her and Jaiyana over this past week instead of falling back into old habits. 

"Will you say it again?" he asks. He's been waiting for this moment for so long, now it's finally here, it feels so surreal. He just needs to make sure he heard it right.

"I love you, Jay," she says, eyes shining. "I love you so much," she whispers again, because it feels so amazing to finally say it. He listens as she repeats those magical words over and over, until he can't help but believe it's true.

She weaves her fingers into his hair and kisses him with everything she's been holding back these past few months. Before they can get too off track though, Jay pulls back, leans his head against the headboard, as if bracing himself, and asks "So will you stay then? Permanently?"

She wants nothing more than to stay with him, forever. "Of course, but-" she pauses, thinking of how to put forward her own proposal. "I think we should move into a new house. Not an apartment, a house in a good school district with a backyard. For Jaiyana."

"Ok," he agrees easily. "But you know," he continues, making sure she's getting his point "this isn't about Jaiyana, it's about you. Obviously I want all of us to be a family and the house is a good idea, but it's about you, Hailey." His hand reaches up to the side of her face, gently brushing away a few stray pieces of hair. "I want you in my life in every way you're willing to be here," he pleads. "You're the one I want as my best friend, my lover..."

 _My life partner_.

She can hear the words lodged in his throat. She knows he doesn't want to ask that right now, and she doesn't want him to. Not today, when they just laid his friend to rest. Not today, when they've only just begun really exploring that part of them. 

Not today, even though she'd probably say yes if he did. 

"I changed Jaiyana's name," she says, by way of answer. "I did it the day I said I was ‘going out with Natalie,’ right before we found out about Mouse. It didn't feel right to tell you until now, but your baby is officially a Halstead. I know you said the last name didn't matter, but..."

The look on his face is priceless. ‘ _He understands_ ,’ she thinks.

"Well, her full name is actually Jaiyana Trudy Upton-Halstead. I know it's a mouthful, but I think it has a good ring to it," she says, with a touch of playfulness. "And a kid should have the same last name as her parents, right?" she adds, just to completely make sure he knows what he's agreeing to.

"Hailey," he breathes. "Absolutely," he says, before leaning in to catch her lips between his.  
...

They decide not to try and hide their new relationship status, but they don't announce it either. Given the people in their lives, especially the unit, it won't take long for everyone to figure it out.

The first person to do so is Natalie. One look from her when they show up that night to pick up Jaiyana and she immediately knows. When Hailey asks how, she simply says "the light in your eyes."

They invite Will over the next day. He definitely notices something different between the two, but doesn't point out anything until Jay casually asks him if he knows any good real estate agents in the area. When he gets the implication, his face goes from shock to happiness and he breaks into a huge smile. "I'm so happy for you guys," he congratulates, getting up to hug the both of them. When he gets to Hailey, he whispers "I'm so glad I ran into you that day at the grocery store, you have no idea."

It doesn't take long for the unit to figure out either. Within minutes of their first shift back, they're already receiving 'looks' from Rojas, Burgess and Ruzek. They do work with some of the best detectives in Chicago after all. 

Towards the end of shift, they drop the HR paperwork on Voight's desk as confirmation. 

"That's HR paperwork by the way," Hailey says. 

"In case you guys haven't figured it out," Jay announces, walking out of Voight's office. 

Of course, the whole unit responds with a mix of celebratory slaps on the back, hugs, and a chorus of "finally!" "I'm so happy for you guys" and "congratulations!"

"Damn, I thought you guys were gonna take another three years to get your shit together," Atwater says, half-jokingly and half in defeat, handing Rojas a fifty.

"Well, we're not wasting any time this time round," he says playfully, but there's a hint of seriousness behind that, and Hailey understands what he means.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hang in there! A mini epilogue/final chapter is coming soon ;)


	21. Epilogue: North

Chapter Song: ‘North’ by Sleeping At Last

They unlock the front door of the house with their new key and step inside, looking around at the unfurnished surroundings. 

"So this is it, huh?" he asks, facing her and wrapping his hands around her waist.

"Our house," she says, looking up at him.

As they take in what's around them, the place that will mark a new beginning, Hailey can't help but think of the crazy path it took for them to get here. 

"Do you ever think about what your life would be like if you did one thing differently?" she asks. 

"Yeah, sometimes," he answers honestly, "But I remind myself that time is too precious to be wasted on looking back."

"How did I get so lucky to have such a wise man in my life?" she whispers, suddenly realising how proud she is of who he's become as a person.

"Well, these past few years have definitely been eye opening," he says, and she knows he means them and Jaiyana and _them_...and Mouse. It's been a lot for him, she knows, but she wouldn't trade who he is now for anything, not even for a different, easier path, because this one - this beautifully rocky and frustratingly winding one - has led them here.

She looks at him with glistening eyes and he pulls her into his embrace. "I love you," he says. 

"I love you too," she whispers into his chest. 

And as she settles against him, anchored by the reassuring weight of his arms around her, she knows there's no place she'd rather be.

~The End~

*Roll the credits*

Finishing Song: ‘North’ by Sleeping At Last

_We will call this place our home  
The dirt in which our roots may grow  
Though the storms will push and pull  
We will call this place our home_

_We’ll tell our stories on these walls  
Every year, measure how tall  
And just like a work of art  
We’ll tell our stories on these walls_

_Let the years we’re here be kind, be kind  
Let our hearts, like doors, open wide, open wide  
Settle our bones like wood over time, over time  
Give us bread, give us salt, give us wine_

_A little broken, a little new  
We are the impact and the glue  
Capable more than we know  
To call this fixer upper home_

_With each year, our colour fades  
Slowly, our paint chips away  
But we will find the strength  
And the nerve it takes  
To repaint and repaint and repaint every day_

_Let the years we’re here be kind, be kind  
Let our hearts, like doors, open wide, open wide  
Settle our bones like wood over time, over time  
Give us bread, give us salt, give us wine_

_Let the years we’re here be kind, be kind  
Let our hearts, like doors, open wide, open wide  
Settle our bones like wood over time, over time_

_Give us bread, give us salt, give us wine  
Give us bread, give us salt, give us wine_

_Smaller than dust on this map  
Lies the greatest thing we have  
The dirt in which our roots may grow  
And the right to call it home_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it! I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. To those who have followed this story from the start on Wattpad, a special thank you to you. Hopefully this new version was slightly easier to read and had less grammar mistakes :)
> 
> Until next time,  
> <3 Aly


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